Views from the News

On the move

2010-04-18T10:29:00.000+01:00

This blog has moved to http://www.craiglewis.wordpress.com/

Clamp down on the Clampers

2010-02-12T17:24:00.000Z

MILTON Keynes Citizen's campaign to crack down on clampers in Bletchley and its latest investigation into 'dodgy' clamping in the area has been mentioned on HoldtheFrontPage today.

And they even let that idiot Lewis have a quote...

The Citizen's original story is here.

Something for the Weekend: blog posts

2010-02-12T17:16:00.001Z

Five blog posts and articles I've enjoyed this week:

HoldtheFrontPage: Row erupts over 'celebrity journalism' degree
God save us - this from HTFP: 'Celebrity Journalism is a new three-year course being offered at Staffordshire University from this autumn. Its sylllabus includes interviewing celebrities and understanding celebrity culture.'

Fleet Street Blues Quote of the Day: 12 February 2010
FSB brings us this quote from Popbitch on the lies and lies of the Brangelina saga.

The nether regions: White and large
This in-depth description of a wanted man published in The Bolton News made me laugh out loud.

Playing The Game: Sign of the times part 2
Blunt takes a satirical look at what a recent job ad really means - 'Please correct me if I am wrong here, when they say "editor" do they actually mean dogsbody who is prepared to do absolutely everything because they sacked everybody else.'

Bristol Editor: Your tweets are now officially being watched by the Beeb
Auntiie has told its journalists to get 'with it' and hop on the social media bus. Bristol Editor thinks that is a good thing.

Liz Jones, honour killings, Emma Watson, eggs and marzipan

2010-02-07T15:49:00.003Z

EMMA Watson and honour killings.
The two go together like eggs and marzipan. Or something like that. Or basically not at all.
Unless, of course, you're Mail journalist Liz Jones.
Then they go together perfectly. Apparently. Read Honour killings? What we've done to young Emma is just as shameful and all will become clear.
Or perhaps not?
On one thing I can agree. What happened to young Medine Memi was terrible.
What happened to Emma? Equally terrible?
According to Jones, yes:

But let’s look at Emma Watson for a moment. Is it a coincidence that she is the highest-paid actress in the world – and also incredibly young, known only for her portrayal of a virginal schoolgirl?
You might have thought Meryl Streep would have been up there on that list somewhere. Or Helen Mirren, or the director Kathyrn Bigelow. But no. The richest (and I hesitate to use the word powerful here) woman in Hollywood is also necessarily the weakest: a child.

I can't help but think that Ms Watson's elevation to the position of highest-earning female in Hollywood in 2009 has something to do with the fact she is a successful, talented young actress.
That she has starred in some of the biggest blockbuster movies of recent years, based on books written - in case we have forgotten - by another successful and respected woman.
As for playing a 'virginal schoolgirl' I'm not sure which version of Harry Potter Jones was watching. I clearly remember Ms Watson playing a young witch. In a (mainly) children's film. About magic.
Her story is surely a sign that young actresses can achieve massive success and - lets all hope - no longer have to battle against gender stereotypes.
No? Back to Jones:

The most powerful men are inevitably all ancient and unglamorous with old-lady arms: James Cameron, Steven Spielberg and their ilk. Like Islam, Hollywood is a clannish, backwards-thinking, oppressive, patriarchal society intent on keeping women firmly in their place.

Oh, yeah. Silly me.
I remember now. That terrible sexist film about a battling female boxer (Eastwood - Million Dollar Baby), that shockingly 'backwards-thinking' examination of Mandela's South Africa (Eastwood - Invictus) and that horribly oppressive environmentalists dream (Cameron - Avatar).
I remember how Cameron took on the mantel of another of Hollywood's 'backwards' patriarchs Ridley Scott to make Sigourney Weaver the arse kicking heroine of Alien (1979) and Aliens (1986). Cameron's film was made fully seven years before the first American woman (Sally Ride in 1983) flew into Space.
But how stupid of me. I'm obviously obsessed with youth:

I would counter that the number of women harmed psychologically and physically by the West’s obsession with extreme youth far outstrips the number of women who are murdered for adultery, or even for the ‘crime’ of being the victim of rape in Islamic countries.

Yes, Emma Watson being able and allowed to become a massive Hollywood star is worse than murder and rape.
I'm off to have an egg and marzipan sandwich.

Ps.. Just found something else I agree with in Jones' copy.
Let’s not make this a war against Islam.
She's right. Neither case has anything to do with Islam.

The legend of John Terry's interview

2010-02-06T11:35:00.001Z

I WAS going to write this post on the deja-vu topic of John Terry hitting the front page of The Sun again ahead of what would seem a more important story; namely the charges brought against three MPs and a Peer in the latest expenses scandal twist.
But my mind has been changed by the fact Britain's favourite newspaper has an exclusive interview with the now former England captain.
Or at least that's what the strap on the front page claims: 'Exclusive: Axed England captain John Terry confesses to The Sun'
And the paper's website: 'John Terry confesses: I'm gutted... but I'll fight back'
An exclusive interview with the so-far reclusive man at the centre of a scandal that has gripped the nation for the past week. I could buy that for a splash.
But...
On the double page ~~overkill~~ spread inside the paper we find out that The Sun hasn't actually spoken to Terry at all.
Instead we get some hearsay from the training ground:

But when he returned to his club Chelsea's Surrey training ground, he vowed he had not given up hope of regaining it this summer.
He was heard to say: "I have fought all my life and I'm not going to stop now.
"If there's a one per cent chance of being World Cup captain, I will fight for it tooth and nail."

And a few words from 'a friend' of the player:

Terry told friends that it was a straight man-to-man conversation with no animosity or tension.
But he told one: "I was devastated when he said I was losing the job as England captain. I didn't expect that when I walked in.
"But I think I could return as captain once the dust settles and the heat is taken out of the situation.
"There is every reason for me to fight to get the armband back...
The friend added: "Capello was firm and to the point and made it clear he was only interested in making sure everything was right on the pitch."

The only thing we actually get straight from the mouth of Terry is from a very un-exclusive statement:

Terry announced in a statement: "I fully respect Fabio Capello's decision. I will continue to give everything for England."

At the very best this means The Sun has spoken to the England star, who wants to get his side of the sacking story out there but has asked them not to name him.
More likely it has spoken to a source at the club who overheard what JT said on returning to the ground.
At the very worst the paper has just made the whole thing up, quotes and all.
In any case, one thing is certain. This is NOT, under any circumstances, an exclusive interview with John Terry.

Even worse...
The story has been picked up and aggregated by other news networks.
Except by this stage the source or friend has really become JT. Any mention of the words being passed on rather than coming from an actual interview has been lost.
Take this from reporter Adam Arnold at Sky News:

Footballer John Terry has promised to "fight back" after being sacked as England captain and said he will do all he can to regain his position...

Terry told The Sun newspaper - which signed him up last year as a columnist - that he was "gutted" at being sacked.

"It hurts so much, but I will fight back," he said.

He added: "If there's a 1% chance of being World Cup captain, I will fight for it tooth and nail."

Or this from of all places Children's BBC:

John Terry has told a newspaper that he will fight to try to regain his position as England captain ahead of the World Cup this summer.

Or this from rivals at The Daily Mail:

He later told The Sun: 'I'm gutted. It hurts so much, but I will fight back. If there's a one per cent chance of being World Cup captain, I will fight for it tooth and nail.
'I have fought all my life and I'm not going to stop now.'

And so it goes on until the non-interview becomes a real life, full-on exclusive.
All of which goes to show one thing: There are lies, damned lies and tabloid exclusives.

Cole-ossal oversight?

2010-02-06T10:42:00.000Z

ACCORDING to today's Sun a survey has revealed that 'us Brits' would most like to have Stephen Fry and Cheryl Cole as our neighbours.
While I can see the attractions of the fragrant Cheryl, have people not considered that would mean they'd also have to live next door to Ashley?

Something for the weekend: blog posts

2010-02-06T09:52:00.002Z

FIVE blog posts I have enjoyed this week:

The London Weekly: it does exist
Roy Greenslade stand-in Steve Busfield takes a highly critical look at the newly launched The London Weekly.

The enemies of reason: Let he who is without... and all that
And Anton Vowl replies with a two-fingered salute to those at Guardian Towers. Best line comes in the comments from 'James': 'Ugh, that does conjour up a horrible image of a gang of bullies from the posh school gathering around to sneer at some younger children's lemonade stall'.

Tabloid Watch: The priorities of the Daily Mail
Number of Daily Mail front pages on John Terry - six in seven days. Number of Daily Mail front pages on the Haiti earthquake - none. Says it all really.

The Media Blog: Friday Fun: Could robots do a journalist's job...?
Very funny video on what would happen if robots took over the newsroom - an excellent commentary on what stories are important to our press.

Liverpool Daily Post: Editor's Blog - New-look Liverpool Daily Post launches on Monday
Daily Post editor Mark Thomas on the new look paper. I can only imagine how many sleepless nights an editor would go through to oversee such a re-launch.

John Terry vs Tony Blair

2010-01-30T12:47:00.001Z

THIS morning a man is on trial for betraying his country and shaming the top job in England
Step forward, John Terry.
Superinjunction user, serial love cheat and headline grabber.
Tony Blair must be laughing all the way back to relative obscurity.
For while Mr Blair's brush with the Iraq inquiry, creating questions of illegal wars and political deals may have seemed to be the day's biggest news, it is JT and his affair with former team mate Wayne Bridge's beau that grabs all the Tabloid front pages.
The Daily Mail, Sun and Mirror all lead on Terry - as does, to its eternal shame, The Daily Telegraph.
Now I'm not saying JT's shenanigans are a non-story; especially when coupled with the hype over superinjunctions which meant every editor in the country must have been bursting at the seams to tell the story.
But we're talking about the performance of the prominent statesman of the last quarter of a century in a show trial to determine if he was right to embark upon a war that has led to thousands of deaths, including those of hundreds of British soldiers.
Take today's Sun for example; the country's biggest selling newspaper.
JT takes the front page, spreads on 4&5 and 6&7, the back page and another two double page spreads inside.
Blair is relegated to pages 10 and 11 with coverage limited to a report of the actual proceedings, the views of the paper's own political editor and analysis from body language and public speaking experts.
Now even if you think the JT story is going to sell you more papers - which maybe it will, although I think there are just one or two people who have followed the Iraq War with some interest - surely Blair was worth more than that?
The Sun has a well earned reputation for throwing its still weighty resources behind what it thinks is the biggest story of the day and the choice it made on that front is clear to see.
I just think it's a Bizarre decision, if you know what I mean.

Something for the weekend: blog posts

2010-01-29T10:42:00.003Z

FIVE blog posts I have enjoyed this week:

Bristol Editor: Will the iPad invigorate ailing newspapers?
A will it/won't it look at the new iPad and it's impact on newspapers.

Coveritlive and Twitter: Covering council's in a new way
David Higgerson examines how Coveritlive could radically change journalism for the better.

How to recycle reality TV show lies, with the Daily Star
It's not hard to deconstruct the Daily Star, but few do it with the humour of Tabloid Watch. Worth a look to marvel at the depth of knowledge of the paper - someone must have read all that rubbish in the first place.

The nether regions: Hatful of sorrow
The nether regions shakes an unruly stick at the hindquarters of local media. In this post we hear the story of Middle England's battles with politically correct pubs.

Jon Slattery: Quotes of the Week
Some lovely quotes in here, including one from my Milton Keynes Citizen colleague Sally Murrer.

A change in direction; or at least, a direction at last

2010-01-24T09:34:00.000Z

I HAVE been writing this blog for over a year-and-a-half now and in that time it has evolved somewhat from being a forum for my various travel, cinema and food reviews to increasingly concentrating on my thoughts on the media and its future.
I have, however, still been throwing in the occasional review and I have come to the conclusion that this is giving the blog a somewhat hotchpotch, thrown together feel; as if it has no overriding aim or subject.
Its an easy conclusion to come to because its the truth.
So, with effect from today, I intend to revamp this blog to concentrate entirely on my media commentary, for what it is worth.
I will, however, be starting a fresh blog as soon as possible, on which I will be chronicling all my reviews. I have a working title, A Life in Reviews, and as a final act of disorder I'll let you know where to find it through this blog.
I don't see much point in changing what's already been posted on here or deleting old posts that don't relate to media commentary, but from now on that's what you'll get here.
Hope you like it...

Too Posh for Parliament

2010-01-22T13:53:00.002Z

THIS week's Milton Keynes Citizen included a story regarding criticism of local Tories by the GMB union.
The crux of the GMB argument was that all the serving and prospective Conservative MPs came from the highest occupational groups and would be better off getting a job in the real world.
GMB general secretary Paul Kenny said they should widen their experiences by working in hospitals or on public transport.
The full story can be seen here.
Being serious journalists, my colleagues and I at the Citizen decided to mock-up a picture of serving MK MP Mark Lancaster and PPC Iain Stewart dressed as the On the Buses gang. Well, it made us laugh.
And fair play to Mr Stewart.
Within hours of the story hitting the streets he had posted a picture of the mock-up as his Facebook profile, with the words: 'This week's MK Citizen has a mocked up photo of me as Butler from "On the Buses", after the GMB Union claims that I'm too "posh" to be an MP. So much for Labour being the party of social mobility and aspiration. lol.'
Ok, so he couldn't resist a political dig, but it is nice to see a politician who is able to laugh at himself.
Too posh for parliament? Only time will tell, but a touch of humility goes a long way.

I have a website now

2010-01-22T12:51:00.001Z

AND here it is if you want a look.
All feedback, as usual, appreciated.

The expert is... our other reporter

2010-01-22T11:27:00.000Z

ONE of the first things I was taught in journalism was that before you run a story you should back it up with some facts and some expert comment from those involved.
So when writing a story on, for example, the collapse of a financial institute you would try to speak to its managing director, chief executive or - failing that- its spokesman; to the Chamber of Commerce or the business secretary; to a lecturer in economics at the local university; to the council leader or sitting MP to ask how it could effect the local economy; to the administrators if one had been appointed.
What you wouldn't do was turn to your paper's public affairs or business correspondent and ask them for a quote.
But that is exactly what seems to be becoming increasingly the done thing, particularly in the world of TV and radio.
Last night I switched onto Sky News to see the presenter interviewing its own business expert Jeff Randall.
And Sky is not the only guilty party - the BBC has a host of its own experts it likes to call on.
You couldn't move through the Beebs coverage of the recession on TV, radio and online last year without bumping into Robert Peston.
Similarly, chief political correspondent John Pienaar is a regular contributor to 5live radio.
While I have no problem with expert reporters I am not convinced they should be the first - and sometimes only - port of call when presenters are introducing a story.
If these experts have done the research lets hear them speaking to those involved in the story, not a commentary between themselves and a presenter.
Let me say at this stage that Peston and Pienaar, in my view, are excellent at their jobs.
But I would rather listen to them interviewing those on the inside than being trotted out to comment on issues themselves.

Newsrooms need re:wiring for internet age

2010-01-17T20:54:00.002Z

THERE seems to be a divide growing in journalism between well meaning, well argued and often well thought out debate into how best to develop the internet, blogging, twitter and whatever the latest online craze may be and the reality in news rooms all around the country.
This is well demonstrated by the number of articles appearing all around the blogosphere concerning the events at the news:rewired conference this week.
Expert commentators such as David Higgerson and Freelance Unbound, among others, have debated the discussions at the events and to my largely untrained eyes seem to be making a lot of sense.
Personally I love the idea of the internet, of breaking stories in real time, reaching new audiences, venting my spleen on blogs like this or using video to portray exactly what happened at an event.
And, purely as a news man, a big part of me doesn't really give a 'tom tit' if its making anyone money or not.
I didn't become a reporter because I cared about the cash. If that was the case I would have stuck at the potentially OTE £100k soul destroying sales job I'd banked myself out of university rather than switching to a £10,000 a year junior reporters role.
But I do care that things are being done properly.
Currently the average news room seems to spend too much time capturing videos on hand held cameras you would be ashamed to take on holiday, uploading on-line the same stuff they've put in the paper three days later or using shoddily taken 'citizen journalist' pictures because the snapper was laid off last year.
Fleet Street Blues made an emotional plea earlier today for the net geniuses of news:rewired to wait for the rest of us to catch up, while a typically vicious, but damningly accurate post by Playing the Game shows why so many hacks are, er, hacked off with all the talk about t'internet.
The news industry needs to open its eyes to what is going on in the real world and give those on the coalface the training and practice to learn how modern technology can enhance the world of journalism.

FILM REVIEW: Daybreakers

2010-01-17T19:44:00.001Z

YES, they're back again.
The blood sucking, stake hating, paler than Annie Lennox sensations of modern cinema.
It seems every second film these days pays homage to the Vampire.
We've had teen angst driven vamps, circus freak vamps, lesbian vamps and even vamps living in Bristol.
But while many of these trips into the lives of Dracula's extended family have included a smattering of 'hey, blood suckers can be nice too', its cool to be different style themes, Daybreakers owes more to the traditional B Movie.
This is no populist, oh my God he's so cool even if his teeth look a bit sharp Twilight saga.
With more than enough blood splattered across it to worry even the most hardy A&E nurse, Daybreakers puts a welcome dollop of gore back into the genre.
Not for the faint of stomach scenes where a marine used as a human guinea pigs explodes across a lab or when a herd of malnourished soldier vamps turn on one of their own to gorge on his blood.
But while the blood lust is enjoyable in its own often over-the-top way, Daybreakers does have an original plot line to go with all the red stuff.
It is set in 2019 and most of the world's population have turned into vampires.
But blood supplies are now running low and the army has been sent to hunt down the few remaining humans to help prevent the vamps turning into wild, bat-like psychopaths.
These starving creatures stalk the subways and sewers, while desperate scientists try to develop a blood substitute to replace the real thing.
Ethan Hawke plays Edward Dalton, a vamp with a heart who doesn't want to see mankind become lunch.
He stumbles upon a group of renegade humans who have found a cure for vampirism and the rest of the film sees them battling against the standard cold - in this case literally - multi-national business more interested in making money than saving lives, led by Sam 'I like being a vampire as it cured my cancer' Neill.
There are some nice glimpses at how mankind would live as vampires, with street vendors selling coffee laced with blood, cars equipped with day vision so vamps don't get fried in the sunlight and alarm systems warning of the onset of dawn.
The idea of the importance of humanity as opposed to eternal life in a cold body is broadly explored, but Daybreakers is not a film to get philosophical about.
It paints with broad, bloody strokes.
Just what the doctor ordered to banish memories of Robert Pattinson to the schoolyard - for now at least.

Just add air for skydiving kix

2010-01-16T13:38:00.002Z

SINCE early man first saw pterodactyls swooping over their heads humankind has wanted to fly.
The Wright brothers, The Red Baron, Superman - heroes all, because of their ability to pick their feet up off the floor and dance with clouds.
And now I'm doing it - well sort of anyway, because there's not a stratus, cirrus or nimbus in sight inside indoor skydiving specialist Airkix's wind tunnel.
There's just me and a gravity defying Frenchman floating, one gracefully and one flapping like a penguin, in a 12 foot flight chamber.
It had been all so much easier half-an-hour or so earlier, walking - one foot in front of the other as I had learnt about 31 years ago - into the Airkix building in Central Milton Keynes.
Probably the ugliest building in the country this monstrous prison block lookalike is home to the adrenalin filled world of indoor skydiving.
The brainchild of the US military in 1964, indoor flight is an increasingly popular phenomenon with wind tunnels in Tennessee, Las Vegas and Florida among other places.
Milton Keynes was the seventh place worldwide to cater for the 'sport', with a new tunnel now open in Manchester.
Broadly speaking indoor skydiving consists of participants throwing themselves into the tunnel as ferocious blasts of wind are pushed up it, balancing the would-be jumper in the air.
Before that though comes the trendy process of kitting yourself out in jump suit, goggles and helmet - some of which are excellently adorned by the likes of Tigger, Eeyore and a rather weather-beaten looking monkey.
I completed my own personal preparation - sans cuddly toy apparel - by stuffing ear plugs into my lugholes and following instructor Jean-Charles towards Airkix.
He positioned me on the edge of the tunnel and, as advised in an earlier briefing, motioned for me to lean into the wind, arch my back, put my chin up and, for all intents and purposes, make like Superman.
A rush of wind and I'm briefly heading upwards, but with my head down and legs flapping, I'm quickly heading back towards the floor - in this case a safety grid designed to stop flyers crashing to the bottom of the tunnel.
Fortunately the floating Jean-Charles is there to steady me and push me back into position; a trick he adeptly repeats every time I threaten to veer into the edge or spiral out of control.
Heart pounding I spin left and right, trying to maintain a degree of dignity and loving every second.
I am briefly aware of everyone else watching me float around the tunnel and as I finally manage to hold myself steady for more than two seconds I take the time to casually look around me.
Big mistake. Hold still, flashes a sign in front of me; Jean-Charles is rapidly signalling me to do something - we were briefed beforehand, but suspended above the ground by an on rushing air current that could conceivably disappear at any moment trying to remember the signal for bend your legs is akin to something out of Mensa - and I'm heading downwards again.
Fortunately I'm in good hands as my Gallic friend moves me back into position again and eventually, after a minute of flying that seems a lot longer, he pushes towards the exit door and the mercy of terra firma.
It may have owed more to hot air than superhuman powers, but I did it. I flew.
This mild mannered (ahem) journalist had become Superman.

Floor collapses at Weight Watchers clinic

2010-01-15T17:02:00.002Z

IT'S purile and shamelessly pokes fun at fat people, but this article from ITN made me laugh out loud.
And sometimes you just can't get better that that.

Floor collapses in Weight Watchers clinic
The floor of a weight watchers clinic in Sweden collapsed beneath a group of people taking part in a weight loss programme.

According to a report in Swedish English-language newspaper, The Local, the dieters were queueing up to see how many pounds they had lost in the past week.

One person reportedly told another newspaper that "there was a huge thud, before the floor collapsed along the walls in one corner of the room."

A Weight Watchers consultant told The Smalandsposten newspaper: "We're going to have to find replacement premises."

The cause of the collapse is still being investigated by local authorities, and none of the people involved were injured.

Snow more moaning, we don't know how lucky we are

2010-01-13T20:11:00.003Z

THE snow was back with a vengence again today and with it came all the usual very British moans and groans about gritting, the cold and global warming.
I have to admit I've been as guilty as the next man - unless that man is the Sunday Express which is convinced 60,000 people could die in the snow - of whinging about the weather.
But on this cold and frosty morning we were given a timely reminder of how lucky we really are in this country by the tragic events in Haiti.
At this point nobody knows how many thousands - reports do seem to be agreed it will be thousands - have died in a country previously hit by four hurricanes and among the poorest in the world.
It certainly puts things into perspective.

To donate to the Red Cross appeal for Haiti visit here

Pic: Daily Telegraph

Snapper's deserved windfall - now share the wealth

2010-01-04T20:07:00.003Z

Congratulations to a former colleague of mine, long term MK NEWS snapper Andy Handley.
Andy has won £5,250 in compensation after being arrested three years ago for taking pictures at a car crash. The full story can be seen on Hold The Front Page at http://www.holdthefrontpage.co.uk/photo/100104handley.shtml
Of course, Andy's compensation is well deserved, Thames Valley Police were not only over the top, their officer was completely wrong.
But from my memories of the day he was not the only one to suffer. Handley's arrest and the subsequent confiscation of his camera left editor David Gale with a number of press day holes to fill less than an hour from deadline.
With the live pictures stranded on the camera and the oaoer's only photographer in the clink it was as stressful a time for Gale as it was for the imprisoned snapper.
At the latest count he, and those of us who had to share the good ship MK NEWS that day, remain compensation free.
Time to get the beers in, Mr Handley.

Thanks to Fleet Street Blues

2010-01-02T10:25:00.000Z

AS a regular reader of 'the inside scoop of Journalism' at Fleet Street Blues I was shocked and suprised to read the site today.
Its final post of 2009 features, quote, "a few older and wiser hacks' attempts to sum up ten years of epic change in journalism" including - shock - this line referring to one of my previous rants: 'And Craig Lewis, deputy editor at the Milton Keynes Citizen, has a dead-on, if depressing, journalistic Christmas Carol'
There really must have been a lot of senior redundancies in 2009 if I'm now considered 'older and wiser' than most, but its nice to think these ramblings are being read.
So a big thank you to FSB for the delightful ego massage...

The full post is available here
The original Christmas Carol post is here

A Christmas Carol 2009

2009-12-27T14:50:00.001Z

Newspapers were dead: to begin with.
There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of their burial was signed by the BBC, the Internet, Twitter and the credit crunch.
The bleakness of their future was echoed by that of the world outside.
Snow swept through England, into London and onto an abandoned street that had once been a hub of 'business'.
A single sign adorned the frosty Fleet Street scene: 'Marley & Scrooge: Newspaper Propreiters'.
Follow Scrooge now as he boards his top of the range Audi TT, fresh from another round of festive redundancies.
He moves into the freezing night, past throngs of people flocking to see their heroes signing autobiographies in Oxford Street; Katie, Kerry, Kim Kardashian and Katie Cruise, silicon shimmering in the Christmas lights.
Past paper sellers shouting headlines: 'Exclusive. Snow chaos on Britain's roads.'
Past cinemas where 3D movies champion environmental messages more powerfully than Copenhagan talks; and past the proletariat, who look at the snow and scoff: "What climate change?"
Far away, beyond the melting polar ice caps, a crestfallen man sits and stares at the remnants of a family business.
Brandy sodden and clutching a solitary mince pie, the man cries into his huge, white beard and wipes crumbs from a two-piece all red suit.
Through a door to his right, conglomerate backed American bankers and accountants discuss their response to wild-cat strikes by elves angry at the outsourcing of workshop jobs.
Across the corridor an Employment Tribunal sits, a magistrate looking in horror over the top of her horn-rimmed glasses and proclaiming: "Other workers used to laugh and call you names.
"They never let you join in any reindeer games."
Opposite her, on empty press benches, the Ghosts of Journalists Past scribble hurried notes in preparation for the morning's splash.
But where are there modern counterparts?
Why, back in the local offices of 'Marley & Scrooge' of course.
Our austere gentleman has long since disappeared into the shareholders festive bash, but inside his place of work Bob Hackchit trawls through PR pomposity and pastes it onto ill-constructed websites, wishing to persuade the 'reader' to pay £1.50 to learn about how the council has put up new toilets.
Behind him, flushed with exertion, the work experience boy - Tiny Tim - leans on his crutch of hope for the future and sighs...
"God help us, every one."

Moran 'replacement' named - but she lingers on

2009-12-15T19:06:00.001Z

LABOUR has finally named its prospective parliamentary candidate for Luton South.
The new man hopes to fill the taxpayer funded boots of Margaret Moran.
Gavin Shuker has been named as the replacement for the shamed MP, who claimed £22,500 for dry rot treatment on her house in Southampton - 100 miles away from her Luton constituency.
The announcement was made on Sunday night by the local Labour party.
Mr Shuker says he will visit every street in Luton and adopt modern Internet led campaigning methods.
He's even said Ms Moran let down the people of Luton - a line continuously pedelled by local politicos while refusing to kick her out.
Suprisingly he hasn't called for Ms Moran to stand down immediately either.
Until he does, how can he really be taken seriously?
Ms Moran has been off sick since the revelations in May and there is still no sign she will return before the General Election - at which she will step down.
Of course, in the meantime she is still getting paid. No being busted down to statutory sick pay for MPs.
And an inquiry into her claims has been suspended until she is better.
Last week it was revealed that a note scribbled on Ms Moran's rediculous claim said the repairs were 'urgent and essential'.
Ms Moran is still off sick - I wouldn't blame her constituents for feeling the same.

Some press officers are incompatible with journalism

2009-12-13T12:59:00.000Z

THE best press officers are brilliant; there with a little off the record comment or helping hand, all while serving the best interest of their employers.
They provide concise and useful press releases that can be a springboard to great stories or a handy, slot in a gap filler.
Others, as shown brilliantly here by David Higgerson, are less in touch with the real world:

West Midlands Ambulance Service served up this piece of nonsense-speak when giving out details of the death of a man who had been hit by a train:
A West Midlands Ambulance Service spokesman said: “When crews arrived they found a train that had stopped near by to the spot where the man’s body was found. He had suffered injuries incompatible with life.”

Yes, that's right, 'injuries incompatible with life.'
So he's dead then. Thanks for clearing that up.

Hat tip: David Higgerson

The percentage game: X Factor vs climate change

2009-12-12T19:00:00.000Z

Today's papers revealed an interesting contrast in tabloid and broadsheet content and headlines.
Both The Sun and Independent used percentages in their headlines to draw attention to their stories.

The difference?
While the Indie concentrated on the climate change conference in Copenhagen in a piece entitled '25% or 45%? Copenhagen comes down to a numbers game,' The Sun went with 'Joe's on poll 43% back Geordie to win X Factor, 20% Ollie'.

Dons' chief bets on giant casino

2009-12-12T12:12:00.009Z

Milton Keynes Dons chairman Pete Winkelman has revealed plans to build a giant casino at the club's stadium:mk ground.

I spoke to Pete ahead of the submission of the planning application on Monday.

You can read the subsequent article here

FILM REVIEW: Law Abiding Citizen

2009-12-09T21:56:00.005Z

AT what point do you stop feeling sorry for the victim?
When he cuts the man who killed his wife and daughter into little pieces?
When he 'spikes' the lethal injection of that man's accomplice so he does anything but go quietly to sleep?
When he turns his attention to the defence lawyer who got the killer all but off? Or beyond that?
While Law Abiding Citizen is perhaps not the deepest thinking film, it does challenge the idea of vengence and vigilantism, and more interestingly the question of how far you would go if someone attacked your family.
Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) has his world turned upside down when robbers break into his home and kill his wife and daughter.
But problems with the DNA evidence and a desire to keep up his impressive conviction rate persuade prosecutor Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx) to make a deal with killer Darby.
He provides evidence against his accomplice Ames, but in return escapes with just three years inside.
Fast forward ten years and Ames is due to be executed, which is when the real fun begins.
What follows is part edge of seat, part Seven-style gore and a smattering of comic relief as Shelton declares war on the system that let him down.
There are some unexpected twists and Shelton's plotting is nothing short of ingenious, with Butler putting in a convincing performance; half psychopath, half brooding father.
Go and watch it, after all, as the film's tagline says, 'You can't fight fate'.

Citizen Journalists: why we should love them really

2009-12-09T09:18:00.002Z

Dear Sir (the editor is a woman),
I am writing regarding the job advertised in your newspaper for a reporter on the Gazette (the job was advertised in the Gazette, its for the Times).
Although I have no experience in the news industry, I have been a dustman/lawyer/accountant/teacher for the past 25 years and am looking for a new career path...

How many times have editors seen job applications like this?
Journalism, despite all the industry's failings, remains one of the more appealing trades on the market.
Everyone out there thinks they can be a reporter. They all know when you have made the smallest literal (I once invited a teacher who savaged my copy to write a column on grammar and the demise of modern standards, but never received a reply), they all know which stories should have gone in and most of them can take better pictures.
Or at least that's the theory until you see the muddied, muddled and downright illiterate hocum they submit.
It is this sort of inept dabbling in the world of journalism that makes so many seasoned hacks petrified at the prospect of so called 'citizen journalist' flooding the internet with whatever pops into their mind in the morning.
But in doing so they are missing out on a pantheon of stories, views and dare I say it exceptionally good journalism.
The bottom line of this is that there is an elitist attitude among many journos that you can't write a decent story if you haven't got an NCE or the relevant press card; witness this 'I'm so much better than you because the police let me in' rant from of all places The Digital Journalist
While I agree that it is intensely frustrating to spend years studying journalism, rising through the ranks and mastering the trade, only to get scooped by a blogging banker, is it really wrong?
News has no respect for press cards or qualifications. Good stories and getting what the reader wants out there are surely far more important than who writes it?

A good 'amateur' is worth far more than a poor 'professional'.
I have seen plenty of fully qualified, smartly dressed, NCE wielding 'professionals' who wouldn't know a story if it smacked them round the face with a wet kipper screaming, 'council corruption'.
Local newspapers, particularly many free weeklies, are often full of fluffy kitten stuck up a tree and cheque presentation stories, while councils, police and fire authorities go entirely unscrutinised.
Many national reporters, meanwhile, spend their lives on the Britney Spears, Jordan, X Factor celebrity beat. Do you really need a qualification to cover that? Are the 3am girls real journalists while unqualified bloggers should be ignored?
Meanwhile, blogs - often written by eminent professionals in their field or just the bloke down the pub who knows what's going on - are ridiculed.
By the way, who remembers them?
The people we used to turn to for expert opinion; the taxi driver who would tell us everything we needed to know about our patch over a couple of beers?
Those contacts we used to go to before we were tied to our desks by management cutbacks.
Quite aside from the fact we should be busting a gut to get out and see them again, these are the same people who are now throwing their thoughts and knowledge into cyberspace.
Of course, plenty of the stuff spewed out there is, to return to my starting point, 'muddied, muddled and downright illiterate hocum,' but among it are absolute diamonds of journalism.
Just as old hacks used to sit through hours of tedium and legally inappropriate ranting with angry council tenant Mr Smith before he revealed the authority had cut the housing budget in half behind closed doors; so we need to embrace the work of citizen journalists and use it to our advantage.
After all its news we're in love with, isn't it?

From armed raids to the Pride of Milton Keynes

2009-12-02T00:19:00.000Z

ONE of the reasons I love being a journalist is the variety you can get on a day to day basis - and today was one of the best examples of that.
Milton Keynes was the subject of two major events, but they couldn't have been more different.
At 11.43am chaos broke out in thecentre:mk when armed robbers raided a jewellery shop. Shortly afterwards a similar panic ensued in the Milton Keynes Citizen office as we desperately searched for every angle to get straight on the website and ultimately into Thursday's paper.
It was real all hands to the pumps, be first to the story stuff with reporters and a snapper dispatched straight to the scene, while the rest of the newsdesk scrambled for the phones to call every copper, city centre shop and casual passer-by they could think of.
The results can be seen here, here, here, here and here.
The second big story of the day was equally exciting, but for entirely different reasons.
Tonight Milton Keynes Citizen hosted its Pride awards, which aim to honour those people in the city who have gone one step beyond; ranging from anti-bullying groups to schools, street pastors to volunteers and special needs kids to those who have lost a beloved sibling.
Behind every award is a heart breaking or heart warming story, and many that do both.
But essentially they embody all that is good about the city - a more stark contrast to a city centre armed robbery couldn't be found.
For me its this kind of day that makes being a journalist worth while; I dare anybody not to find something to read in these stories.
You can keep your X Factor and Strictly features, thank you very much.

A story about rubbish or a rubbish story?

2009-11-29T08:56:00.000Z

THIS week's 'Do we really give a 'fig' story' must go to Sky News' earth shattering exclusive that Susan Boyle puts rubbish in bins: http://bit.ly/5zYEUq
Ace reporter Kirsty Donald is even given a byline for the tale that reveals how SuBo (nb... Calling her that makes her much cooler and means she appeals to 'da kids') 'made a special appearance ahead of her expected success in the album charts - to put her rubbish out'.
OK, the tone is somewhat tongue in cheek but it smacks of a celebrity obsessed news editor with too much time on their hands splashing out on a photography shift in the hope SuBo would flip her decidedly flaky lid.
Instead the lucky reader learns how the singer puts out the trash before, wait for it, being driven off somewhere.
Sky News: First for breaking news - next week, Leona eats her breakfast.

It's enough to make you sick (on full pay)

2009-11-28T18:21:00.000Z

FANCY earning thousands of pounds in a job where nobody checks if you turn up and you don't need to tell anybody if you are off sick?

Then perhaps the Houses of Parliament is the place for you.

For while the (increasingly unconvincing) revamp of MPs expenses rumbles on, the Commons continues to be governed like an archaic and charitable members' club.

Firstly, MPs are not subject to attendance records. A spokesman at the Commons Information Office told me there is no record of the number of times an MP attends Parliament (only when they vote) or even a check to see if they ever attend at all.

This, he said, is because MPs are not accountable to the House, but to their constituents.

Fair enough, but residents only have the chance - by-elections aside - to have their say once every four years. Surely it is time to introduce a system where constituents can get rid of the worst offending MPs in mid-term?

Worse still, MPs do not have to prove they are sick - and if they say they are they will continue to be awarded full pay for the entire period of their sick leave.

Whereas you or I have to pay a visit to our doctors to get a precious note to prove we can't get out of bed and would be quickly moved onto statutory sick pay for any prolonged period off, our MPs once again live by a different set of rules.

MPs such as Luton South's Margaret Moran, who regular readers of this blog will know as a favourite pet subject of mine - http://bit.ly/timetogoMo - are therefore allowed to pass Go and collect a lot more than £200.

For those who don't know Ms Moran has been off sick since the expenses revelations showed she had claimed £22,500 for dry rot treatment for her home in Southampton - 100 miles from Luton.

Despite never apologising to her constituents, Ms Moran continues to collect her £67,500 a year salary - and will do until she finally steps down at the next election, up to six months (or £33,750) away.

While there is no doubt Ms Moran is genuinely ill (she has been seen by the Commons doctor who has advised her not to return to work), how can it be right that one of the worst offenders in the expenses scandal can be clawing in even more taxpayers cash?

At the very least she should be moved onto statutory sick pay, but as the system stands no-one is even making a note that she is not attending the House.

It's high time someone in Parliament undertook a comprehensive overhaul of the entire system, rather than just sweeping up the crumbs after being caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

Milton Keynes: 50 Greatest Moments

2009-11-26T23:16:00.000Z

ON Friday a man who knows everything there is to know about Milton Keynes will launch his book explaining why the city is great.
Lee 'Scribbo' Scriven, a former colleague of mine and all round legend, characterises MK's 'can do' attitude.
Milton Keynes: 50 Greatest Moments is Scribbo's tribute to when Michael Jackson rocked the bowl, when the Gallery opened with controversial rudimentary pictures and when plans for the eye-catching Xscape were revealed.
It is the story of a city growing culturally; not just through its buildings but through the charismatic characters who collectively shaped the unique place that is MK.
If I sound biased, it's because I am: Lee's stuff is well worth a read.
As the man himself said: "The book does its best to pay homage to a long line of promoters, DJs, architects, planners, musicians, artists and businessmen who collectively had balls.
"By that I mean they stuck their neck out and did things differently, in some cases very differently.
"Very few of the chosen moments inside this book are the result of corporate think tanks, most are down to an individuals imagination and guile.
"These maverick tendencies and determination to see things through until completion are the real strength of Milton Keynes."

* The book is available from Saturday at Waterstones priced £19.99 and on-line at www.50greatestmoments.co.uk

Twitter or Twatter?

2009-11-26T23:11:00.000Z

I'M currently playing at seeing what benefits there are for a half-arsed blogger like me on Twitter.
On my way to Roy Greenslade style media domination I will try anything so if your bored or mad follow me @cidl with the rest of the Twitterarti
Cheers...

Bizarre new editor at The Sun?

2009-11-15T11:15:00.000Z

Yesterday's Sun saw Russell Brand editing its Bizarre section.

Considering the love of the paper for promoting gossip columnists to the top job can we expect to see the comic turning his hand to the main paper some time soon?

His Bizarre 'scoops' yesterday included the revelations that Liam Gallagher wears leggings while jogging and Katie Perry is his girlfriend.

Hardly inspiring, but quite possibly a step up in class from Dominic Mohan's efforts thus far.

End of an Era

2009-11-13T14:10:00.000Z

Seven years and one month ago I rocked up 15 minutes late for an interview for work experience at Milton Keynes News.
For some bizarre reason editor Dave Gale offered me a week's work, and after that another week. Even more strangely he then offered me a job.
That was the start of my career at LSN Media. Seven years later and this is my last day.
Next week I will be starting a new job as deputy editor at Milton Keynes Citizen; ironically the direct rival of Mr Gale's honorable oracle.
During my largely enjoyable time at LSN I worked in Milton Keynes, Luton, Northampton and Bedford for a number of titles; namely MK NEWS, Luton on Sunday (later - and now - Luton & Dunstable Express), LB NEWS, Northampton Herald & Post and Wellingborough Herald & Post.
I have been lucky enough to work for two superb editors, the aforementioned Mr Gale and Gaynor Selby, and with some fantastic journalists.
Special mention should also go to Dan Jones and Mark Stillman, who - for good or for bad - taught me everything I know.
Thanks for the memories LSN - next week I aim to be scooping your arses!

The Price is right: expenses or Jordan?

2009-11-13T07:38:00.000Z

If the MPs expenses scandal proved nothing else it showed there is still an appetite among the public for political scandal - particularly when it involves them being fleeced by those put in place to serve.
But in the main we have seen the populist press return to the tried and trusted methods of celebrity and sensationalism.
Hence last Sunday's News of the World included a double page spread on X Factor, another on Strictly Come Dancing, yet another on Jordan, a TV page writing about the X Factor and Strictly, and a pull-out all about the aforementioned shows.
Overkill anyone?
The we have The Sun taking a perfectly good story (mother of dead soldier criticises Government) and ramping it up into a politicised campaign to besmirch Gordon Brown.
In the meantime, troughing MEP Tom Wise is sentenced to two years in prison for ripping off his constituents and spending tax payers cash on fine wine and cars.
Appalling? Yes. Shocking? Yes. Of interest to a readership still realing from the expenses scandal? You would have thought so.
But although it did feature in most of last weeks papers the story was hardly big news.
And while I'm sure Fleet Street will queue up to have a bash at the BBC today, that has more to do with personal agendas than any genuine outrage.
Meanwhile the expenses of the EU - unmonitored for years - continue to go without genuine analysis and, as shown in Jon Snow's blog, the situation in the Lords is an unchecked travesty.
It's no wonder newspapers struggle when they act more like comics edited by gossip columnists.
And it's no wonder our politicians continue to ride the gravytrain when those supposedly holding them to account are more interested in Simon Cowell and Katie Price.

Jon Snow blog: http://blogs.channel4.com/snowblog/2009/11/12/lords-expenses-the-flight-to-redaction/

It's The Sun wots lost it

2009-11-12T14:06:00.000Z

Whatever your stance on The Sun vs Gordon Brown saga, this is very funny...

NewsBiscuit » UK News » ‘The Sun has lost it’ declares The Sun

Bunch of Pri...

2009-11-11T13:44:00.000Z

This rather amusing picture was sent to me by LDExpress reader Mike Hurley, regarding the MPs expenses saga.
In the mornings, these aptly-shaped shadows all point to the West side of the bridge, which is the side of the Houses of Parliament.

Moran blasts PM for castigating her over expenses

2009-11-11T12:55:00.000Z

The 'Get Moran Out Now' campaign continues at pace.
Personally I find it disgusting that Ms Moran continues to serve in office as the representative of the people of Luton South.
They deserve better.

Moran blasts PM for castigating her over expenses

Downing St told of LD Express's crusade

Luton Borough Council's congratulations to MP's support team jeered

Hallelujah, its Fireworks Night

2009-11-11T12:02:00.001Z

Milton Keynes Fireworks Display
Campbell Park
Sunday, November 8

I have a rule regarding X Factor winners.

If I can make it through Christmas - and preferably the rest of my life - without having to listen to the festive number ones Simon Cowell hands out every year, I consider it a small victory for musical independence.

One such success came with Alexandra Burke's rendition of Hallelujah, a song I had managed to meticulously avoid - until Sunday.

For Milton Keynes' annual fireworks display at Campbell Park chose the rip-off single of 2008 as a backing track for its rockets and sparklers.

Accompanied by the obligatory piece of classical music - why is this genre seemingly only allowable at fireworks displays or on Inspector Morse? - and the equally omnipresent Michael Jackson song, Hallelujah meant there was no escape from the X Factor, even away from the comfortable Sunday night sofa.
Campbell Park offers a first class venue, with more than enough room for the thousands of firework fans, burger vans and the gaudy fair.

And with perfect conditions on Sunday night, the display more than matched its surrounds.

Fireworks tend to be associated with just about every event going these days, so to put on an outstanding show becomes something of a challenge.

But such was the quality of this one, organised by Keith Emmett & Sons, that onlookers shivering minutes before its start were warmed to the core.

An array of colour greeted every bang and crash, with children's eyes glittering from the sparks of their first show and cynical adults mesmerised by the glow of the lights.

I almost forgave them Hallelujah.

'Get Moran Out Now' campaign - today's coverage

2009-11-04T17:21:00.000Z

TODAY in Luton & Dunstable Express we kept the campaign bandwagon rolling by revealing Margaret Moran's apology over her failure to serve her constituents due to ill health - but no remorse over her expenses and no sign of an apology.

We also spoke to Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg who backed the campaign and revealed over 84 per cent of Lutonians want the power to sack their MP.

Here are the links to today's stories:

Margaret Moran says sorry for not being able to carry out her parliamentary duties

Nick Clegg: 'Sack Margaret Moran now'

By-election is what you want

What you have to say

More blogs featuring 'Get Moran Out Now'

2009-11-04T16:21:00.000Z

THE Newspaper Society, blogger Jon Slattery and Parliamentary commentator Guido Fawkes have all added their views on the Luton & Dunstable Express campaign to oust Margaret Moran...

Local Title Leads Call for MP to Quit - Newspaper Society

Look to Luton for the General Election Trend

Guido Fawkes: 'Expenses scandal leaves MPs vulnerable to attack from local press'

'Get Moran Out Now' campaign hits new heights

2009-11-03T18:03:00.000Z

THE Luton & Dunstable Express campaign to force Margaret Moran to resign immediately has been gathering pace at quite a rate.
Tomorrow's paper will feature a number of further articles, including an endorsement from Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg.
I'll post them on this site as soon as the paper is out.
Back to today and the campaign has been causing quite a stir in the blogosphere. I contacted holdthefrontpage to see if they would be interested and things have taken off since then.
That first article - http://www.holdthefrontpage.co.uk/campaigns/091103moran.shtml - prompted an appearence on media commentator Roy Greenslade's blog http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/greenslade/2009/nov/03/local-newspapers-mps-expenses

which included the exceptionally kind words:

For the record, it should be noted that the Express is published by LSN Media, the company that sprang from the success of Bedfordshire on Sunday, the campaigning paper launched by Frank Branston, who died earlier this year. LSN Media has been owned since August 2005 by Iliffe News & Media.
Clearly, the change of ownership has not dimmed the journalistic passion of the Express journalists. Frank would be proud of them.

Since then the campaign has been featured on:

Total Politics: http://www.totalpolitics.com/blogs/index.php/2009/11/03/diluted-reform-would-be-disasterous

Sky News: http://blogs.news.sky.com/boultonandco/Post:6510a391-eff2-45e4-8ed4-07f26c88b307

and UTV: http://u.tv/News/Weekly-paper-demands-MPs-resignation/b3dc3151-db8f-4e86-922a-5e6f67df4f18

The BBC have been in contact as well with pieces planned for BBC Three Counties radio, BBC 5 Live, BBC News 24 and tomorrow's 6o'clock news.
Watch this space...

Council paper conumdrum - help please

2009-11-02T19:44:00.000Z

OK, so I need some help.
Top bosses at pretty much, if not all, media outlets are opposed to the growth of council newspapers, which not only offer better salaries to poach reporters using taxpayers cash, but more importantly steal readers and ad revenue.
So far, so obvious.
But these same bosses then encourage their ad managers to snap up every morsel of council advertising going, including contracts to deliver these same council papers.
Again, some logic. It's no secret papers need every penny they can get and this can be lucrative stuff.
But here's where I get confused.
Many of these council rags are filled with adverts; revenue gained so people don't criticise wasteful use of taxpayers money on Pravda style news reporting.
Who is losing out when these ads are placed in council papers? Your local newspaper surely.
So why facilitate it by delivering the damn things?
Better all media organisations in the area refuse to do so in the hope councils won't be able to sustain delivery costs. Then carve up the extra advertising between you.
And no-one loses those generous council ad contracts as they are required by law to hand them out, regardless of Pravda rag distribution.
If I'm missing something please tell me?

Time to go Mo

2009-10-31T09:36:00.000Z

THIS week Luton & Dunstable Express launched a campaign to oust Luton South MP Margaret Moran.
Here is our coverage:

Enough’s enough - it’s time to go
BY CRAIG LEWIS

Shamed MP Margaret Moran should resign now.
That is the united message from Luton South’s prospective parliamentary candidates.
Conservative Nigel Huddleston, Liberal Democrat Qurban Hussain, Green Party candidate Marc Scheimann and Independents Esther Rantzen, Joe Hall and Dr Stephen Lathwell have put aside their political differences to call for Ms Moran to quit immediately.
They want Gordon Brown to dismiss the controversial Labour politician and hold an immediate by-election.
The calls herald the launch today of Luton & Dunstable Express’s ‘Get Moran Out Now’ campaign.
The Luton South MP, 54, suffered national embarrassment when the expenses scandal broke in May. It was revealed she tried to make taxpayers pay for £22,500 of dry rot treatment to her second home in Southampton – 100 miles from her constituency.
Ms Moran eventually agreed to repay the money and announced her decision to step down at the end of this Parliament.
She has not attended Westminster since, blaming an existing health problem she claims was made worse by the stress of the expenses scandal.
In June, this newspaper revealed Ms Moran could be entitled to a ‘winding up allowance’ of around £35,950 and a pension when she leaves her post.
It is currently unclear if and when she will be returning to work.

It is time for you to go Moran

Today this newspaper launches its ‘Get Moran Out Now’ campaign.
We are fed up with people in Luton South being represented by an MP who thinks it is OK to spend thousands of pounds worth of taxpayers’ money on decorating and furnishings.
We are fed up with an MP who cares more about dry rot than Luton.
We are fed up with seeing residents left without a proper voice.
And most of all we are fed up with Margaret Moran.
Luton & Dunstable Express believes the disgraced MP should quit now – not six months and countless payouts down the line.
Luton South needs an MP who will represent the needs of its constituents with honesty and integrity.
It doesn’t need an MP who hasn’t spoken in the House of Commons for months.
It doesn’t need an MP who claimed £22,500 for dry rot treatment at a home 100 miles from Luton.
It doesn’t need an MP who splashed taxpayers’ cash on decorating, repairing and furnishing three homes in Luton, Southampton and Westminster.
She has been castigated by Prime Minister Gordon Brown who called her behaviour ‘totally unacceptable’.
She has been slammed by members of the local Labour party. In May, chairman of Luton South Labour Party Mahmood Hussain told this newspaper: “Ms Moran has made a very bad judgement and she has now realised that she has made a very bad judgement.
“That is regrettable.” But most of all she has been slammed by the people of Luton South.
Following the expenses scandal this newspaper was inundated with letters from residents saying Ms Moran must go.
And yet she has still not taken the time to speak directly to the people of Luton to explain herself.
She has still not apologised to her constituents, instead choosing to blame the House of Commons Fees Office for processing her ridiculous claims.
And all this time the money continues to roll in.
Ms Moran’s annual expenses and allowance since then could reach £160,000 if the General Election is held at its latest possible date in June 2010.
On top of that she is set to pocket a ‘resettlement grant’ of £54,000, a ‘winding up allowance’ of £35,905 and a ‘gold-plated pension’.
Ms Moran has behaved disgracefully. She’s fleeced taxpayers quite enough.
Luton South needs to elect a new MP and it needs to do it now.
That’s why we are saying, ‘Get Moran Out Now’.

Her opposing candidates views

NIGEL HUDDLESTONE (Conservative)
I HAVE been calling on Margaret Moran to resign and force a by-election since early May when the scale of her expense abuses became apparent and her position became untenable. Since then she has been off work and done absolutely nothing for the town, its people or its reputation.
Parliamentary correspondence and casework has been ignored, yet Ms Moran has happily taken her salary each month. Enough is enough.
Luton needs an MP who is involved in politics for what they can give, not what they can take.
We need an honest ambassador who can re-energise the town and make the best of its immense potential.
Another seven months is too long to go without a voice in Westminster. It is transparently clear that Ms Moran is either unwilling or unable to perform her parliamentary duties, which leaves just one honourable course of action: Resign… Now.

ESTHER RANTZEN (Independent)
IT is an appalling flaw in our democratic process that Luton South has not been represented in Parliament for so long.
Voters must be given the power to recall an MP who cannot, or will not, do the job.
To be a Member of Parliament is an honour, and carries huge responsibilities.
Lutonians are rightly furious at the contempt Margaret Moran has shown them. Nobody is representing Luton South on burning issues which affect us deeply, like employment, housing, education and social care, child protection, and care of the elderly.
I have met Lutonians experiencing hardship and injustice who should be able to rely on their MP for support and advice.
Margaret Moran is notorious for protecting her partner’s home in Southampton against rot. Luton South urgently needs a new MP to protect our democracy against devastating rot, to champion and fight for Luton.

JOE HALL (Independent)
WHAT do we, the people of Luton, want from our MP? I believe we want someone who’s rooted in Luton and will stand up for local people.
Someone who will work hard in Parliament, find solutions to the everyday issues that define our lives. And we want to rewrite the lie that Luton is a bad place it’s our town, a good town of good people. We can make it even better.
But Margaret Moran has fallen a long way from the high standards we expect. We deserve much better and we need it now.
We must remember we’re in a recession and a by-election would cost money. The last General Election cost the people of Luton South about £85,000 - a little over £2 for each person who voted. But I think it’s worth doing.
We need an MP working hard for people’s jobs, for public services, for Luton’s future. Today.

QURBAN HUSSAIN (Lib Dem)
AS a proud resident of Luton South I sadly know all too well the damage Ms Moran’s actions have caused to our community. During my time as a councillor no issue has led to greater anger among fellow residents.
Ms Moran sought the great honour of representing the hardworking people of Luton South and in return she has left our community with no voice in Westminster at a time when we need it the most.
If Ms Moran had any respect or sense of duty to our community she would resign now and end this shameful situation.
Instead she chooses to continue collecting taxpayers’ money and let our area down.
Luton South deserves to be represented by someone who is passionate and sincere about their commitment to our community, understands the values and pride of its residents and is willing to do whatever is necessary to ensure a prosperous future for our families.
Ms Moran, do the right thing – resign.

DR STEPHEN LATHWELL (Independent)
TO the Constituency Labour Party: For the best of both the Parliamentary Labour Party and for Luton South, select a new candidate and hold a byelection.
Luton South is the only one of 650 constituencies which is deprived of Parliamentary representation, and is in a situation vulnerable to political leverage and opportunism.
That Margaret Moran is unable to represent the town, either due to her own failings in exploiting the parliamentary expenses, as did many MPs, or due to her now long-term illness, this should not be an excuse for Luton South to remain unrepresented.
The constituents should have the right to a political voice and representation regardless of political persuasion.
Sadly, Margaret Moran is now perceived to be both taking the salary and refusing to do the job, and remaining an incalcitrant incumbent waiting to pick up her redundancy cheque of £32,000 and full pension.
None of these represent the best interests of the constituents, just Margaret Moran.

MARC SCHEIMANN (Green Party)
THESE are hard, desperate times for everyone here in Luton.
What we need now more than ever is a hard-working MP, not a desperate one clinging on to power giving nothing but concern for her final pension paid by us.
If Margaret and the Labour party have any sense of justice she should go now before her dignity lies tattered and torn.

FILM REVIEW: Cirque du Freak

2009-10-31T09:21:00.000Z

THERE seems to be a taste for Vampire movies at the moment.
Generally those involving 'we're good really' Vamps who won't kill anyone for blood and would like to be our friends.
Of course, they are fighting a battle against traditional Dracula types ever ready to rip out your jugular and neck (get it?) a pint or two of the red stuff.
So hot on the heels of Twilight comes Cirque du Freak; a life-affirming tale of boy meets vampire.
Unfortunately Cirque lacks any of the slick all-American, uber-cool qualities Twilight has, and seems confused as to what its audience really is.
None of the characters are really sexy enough to appeal to older teens or adults, while the saccharine sweet love story and moralistic 'we're all different, but the same' plot is likely to have 12 to 16-year-olds puking in their shoes.
There is some mystery over an age old battle between Vampires and the 'Vampish' and the literally larger than life Mr Tiny, but for most of the film I was looking for the exit door.
Cirque du Freak isn't terrible, but it seems to have got itself caught somewhere between Twilight and Harry Potter.
You would be better off watching the next in line of those dynasties than this or its planned sequels.

Fat Cats collect the cash

2009-10-30T08:23:00.000Z

THIS is the kind of story that infuriates all those journos who have faced this summer of discontent.
Throughout all the talk of recession and advertising slumps there always remains a sneaking and cynical feeling that someone at the top is still making a killing.
And in this month's Journalist some of the worst offenders are found at Trinity Mirror.
The NUJs magazine reveals how TMs executive directors awarded themselves free share handouts worth £800,000 and picked up tens of thousands in profits while dealing out redundancies and a pay freeze.
Chief exec Sly Bailey announced there would no pay rises in 2009 for all staff, including directors, and that no bonuses would be paid either.
By April, she had been awarded 270,270 shares worth 28.5p each. These same shares are now worth £1.92 each - more than £520,000 in all.
Finance director Vijay Vaghela and group legal director Paul Vickers also have shares worth £239,000 and £209,000 respectively.
In June, the same three directors exercised an option to buy more shares, immediately selling most of them for £5,995.05, £3,241.56 and £2,516.85 respectively.
How many junior reporters would that cash have saved in the Midlands?

The Daily Mail and the BNP: separated at birth?

2009-10-27T20:16:00.000Z

As a journalist I am continually told how I should admire The Daily Mail for it's ability to recognise it's audience. Well so did Mein Kampf and I'm not that impressed with that either.

This excellent post on the Edge of Reason blog examines the stance of The Fail in the light of Nick Griffin's appearence on Question Time...

http://enemiesofreason.blogspot.com/2009/10/hmm-remember-this.html

FILM REVIEW: The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus

2009-10-24T14:53:00.000+01:00

DESTINED to be both trumpeted and remembered as Heath Ledger's last film, 'The Imaginarium' was at least guaranteed blockbuster audiences.
Whether most of those who watch it will emerge from the cinema feeling more puzzled than pleasured is another matter.
For this is a film that while being fantastically shot, also contains a whimsical plot that baffles the viewer as much as it draws him in.
The film tells the story of the ancient Dr Parnassus (Christopher Plummer), a former monk who now leads a travelling theatre troupe including his daughter Valentina (Lily Cole).
Parnassus, it emerges, has made a bet with the devil, capturing himself eternal life and the ability to offer people redemption through the power of his imagination in the process.
But in a continual battle for souls between the two and a series of double dealings by the devil he had ended up plunging many of his clientele into the hands of Mr Nick and eternal damnation.
And even worse he now owes him Valentina's soul when she comes of age.
As part of one last game the devil gives Parnassus the chance to save Valentina via a first to five souls race. Aided by dwarf Percy (Verne Troyer) - who has somehow lived as long as the good doctor - and Anton, a much put upon assistant he seems to have picked up off the streets, he sets out to save his daughter.
On the way they find the mysterious Tony (Ledger) hanging under a bridge and he breathes new life into the troupe.
The rest is a merry dance through Parnassus' mind in the quest for souls, with Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell helping complete the film after Ledger's tragic death.
For those hoping for one final masterclass from the Australian star, don't expect it here. While Ledger is watchable as Tony, he is better remembered for his stunning performance as The Joker.
Depp, eccentric as ever, is more suited to the bizarre shifts of the film - though his cameo is just that - while Tom Waits is excellent as a playful, cigarello smoking devil.
But the real show stealer is the shifting and sumptuous scenery. Director Terry Gilliam is at his Pythonesque best as he creates a series of colourful backgrounds for the cast to play upon.
Parnassus' imagination flits from gliding gondalas to devil shaped canals, towering stilts to arid desert and comforting cottage to foreboding castle - with all normally not what it seems.
It's a wonderful background for what is basically a slightly flimsy script.
By all means go to pay a final homage to Heath, but remember, this is really all about The Imaginarium of Terry Gilliam.

Jan Moir for the road

2009-10-20T14:49:00.000+01:00

ANOTHER real sadness about Moir's article is that it strikes another blow to the anything men can do, we can do too myth of women's writers.
The above sentence is, of course, complete claptrap; but surely no more so than the rediculous twaddle Jan Moir was allowed to spew onto the pages of The Dail Mail last week.
Not being a Guardian reader I'm not sure if I'm allowed to express a view or not, but if I were it would be to say that even the Mail - for once - misjudged the viewpoint of Middle England.
Of course, I'm sure many of the 22,000 complaints to the PPC have come from left wingers who wouldn't piss on the Mail if it were on fire.
But the paper's own website was hardly slow in taking the columnist to task - reference this comment posted by David Clark: 'I am a middle class, middle England sort of person and yet it's your sort of person that gives us a bad name'
To my mind Moir's rant was both homophobic and ignorant, introducing vague facts from the case and turning them into accusations via some giant leaps of faith.
Moir has since accused many of her critics of not reading the piece in full, so in the interests of fairness here it is:

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1220756/A-strange-lonely-troubling-death--.html

The reaction of various media commentators has also been interesting.
Of course, Twitter quickly hung her out to dry. The barrage of criticism on the site included Stephen Fry's to-the-point tweet: 'I gather a repulsive nobody writing in a paper no one of any decency would be seen dead with has written something loathesome and inhumane'.
Alastair Campbell, meanwhile, took the chance to have another pop at the paper he loves to hate; branding it 'dogshit'.
In a blog posting entitled, 'Hating the Mail - a mindset worth having' he wrote:

'I would rather die in a vat of boiling oil than take a penny from Obergruppenfuhrer Paul Dacre, the Mail's presiding evil not-so-genius, who in his spare time heads up the code committee of the ludicrous Press Complaints Commission...
'As I say to air stewards who offer me a copy of the Mail.. prior to taking it and tearing it in half and giving it back to them, I assume they won't be serving dogshit with the dinner, so why force me to take the media equivalent?...
'I should also point out to Tesco that one of the reasons Fiona would not consider them for online shopping is because we learned you can get a free copy of the Mail with your delivery'.

Roy Greenslade on his blog is somewhat less excitable, but no more damning.
He wrote:

'The burden of her piece is that Gately's death is connected in some unspecified way to the fact that he was gay...
'... (she) resorts to innuendo and goes on to make a leap of stunning illogicality by suggesting that the death strikes another blow to the happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships.
'Meaning what exactly? There's a touch more sly innuendo, a call for the truth to emerge about the exact circumstances of his strange and lonely death, followed by a final, breathtaking statement of unalloyed homophobia'.

Moir does receive some support from the Fleet Street Blues blog (http://fleetstreetblues.blogspot.com/2009/10/in-defence-of-jan-moir-and-daily-mail_17.html) and has since offered an unconvincing defence of her own column, claiming she is a strong supporter of same sex marriage.

"Anyone can die at anytime of anything. However, it seems unlikely to me that what took place in the hours immediately preceding Gately’s death – out all evening at a nightclub, taking illegal substances, bringing a stranger back to the flat, getting intimate with that stranger – did not have a bearing on his death," she said.
"At the very least, it could have exacerbated an underlying medical condition...
"When I wrote that ‘he would want to set an example to any impressionable young men who may want to emulate what they might see as his glamorous routine’, I was referring to the drugs and the casual invitation extended to a stranger. Not to the fact of his homosexuality.
"In writing that ‘it strikes another blow to the happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships’ I was suggesting that civil partnerships – the introduction of which I am on the record in supporting – have proved just to be as problematic as marriages.
"In what is clearly a heavily orchestrated internet campaign I think it is mischievous in the extreme to suggest that my article has homophobic and bigoted undertones."

There certainly seems to be an element of Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross band wagon jumping involved in the criticism of Moir, but it is notable that the criticism comes from all parts of society and is not just a 'pink' protest.
That has to be a good thing.

Power of the Tweets

2009-10-19T19:05:00.000+01:00

IF I had a pound for every time I've heard that Twitter is a complete waste of time I'd have more money than Stephen Fry has followers.
Yet the last week has finally provided some solid proof of the power it can have.
The Twitterati have flexed their collective muscles not once but twice in the last week, taking on no less powerhouses than Carter Ruck and The Daily Mail.
First came the Trafigura affair where thousands of posters helped persuade Carter Ruck to lift an injunction against The Guardian preventing it from publishing details of a scientific report into toxic waste dumping in west Africa.
Next the Twitterverse turned it's attention on Mail columnist Jan Moir following her vitriolic attack on Boyzone's Stephen Gately. Thousands of Tweets condemned her stance as homophobic and not only prompted complaints to the PPC, but forced major advertiser M&S to think again.
Interesting times...

For more on these stories check out the links below:

TRAFIGURA: www.politics.co.uk/news/culture-media-and-sport/guardian-gagging-order-sparks-twitter-frenzy-$1333687.htm

MOIR: www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hCKWRwjStrIL3KazkQtdhyNi-F0gD9BE9S9O1

Comment!

2009-10-16T17:15:00.000+01:00

I'VE been churning away at this blog for more than a year now.
For most of that time I have had little idea if anyone outside of my wife and a couple of masochistic workmates was reading it.
But now I have my first comment.
It's not great, but it's a start.
Under my review of District 9 'Dave' wrote these incisive words: 'I saw this the other day.
'I thought it was shit:-)'
I'm not entirely certain he wasn't talking about my review, although I suspect - and hope - he was talking about the film.
In any case, I now treasure the fact that someone else out there in cyberspace is taking the time to read my splurge.

The forgotten millions

2009-10-13T12:27:00.000+01:00

THE Fleet Street Blues blog, http://fleetstreetblues.blogspot.com/, is always worth more than a glance, and today it reveals this 'stops you in your tracks' fact.

Stat of the Day: 13 October 2009

And just as were feeling all guilty about falling for the evil that is Twitter...
10 million.
That's the number of adults in the UK who have never used the internet. Not dipped a toe in, logged on once, reluctant silver surfers, seeing what it's all about...
That's the number of adults in the UK who have never used the internet, who have never ever been online.
Something for the editors and publishers and 'digital content managers' to mull over next time they're they're dreaming up this week's latest multimeeja wheeze.

My guess would be that a fair proportion of these neglected millions probably like to pick up a real newspaper - or if not, we should be persuading them they want to.
While we all know t'internet is the future, there is a swathe of people out there who want nothing to do with it.
And, and this is important, an even larger group that do like it but still like the feel of a real life, read it over your breakfast, made from trees newspaper.
Assuming - and I don't for a minute think this is true - everyone under the age of 30 is so immersed in a frenzy of checking the latest news on their iPhone, twittering and blogging that they never go near a real paper, that still leaves an awful lot of people who do.
As a reasonably 'with it' 32-year-old I like to think I know my Facebook from my notebook, but I still like nothing more than pawing over a proper paper at the breakfast table.
And I would be willing to bet that a fair number of my peers are exactly the same.
With life expectancy expected to continue heading upwards, that means at least another 40 to 50 years of people enjoying reading newspapers.
RIP Print Journalism my arse...

An October Carol

2009-10-11T18:00:00.000+01:00

OK, every year every second person you meet come October will have a story about how ridiculously early Christmas has started.
Advent calenders in the shops, Christmas cards for sale, decorations adorning every High Street retailer from Tesco to John's Corner Shop, etc, etc
But despite there commonplace nature these anecdotes still tend to raise a smile or fuel a debate, so I make no apology for naming the '2009 Ridiculously Early Christmas Event' as Milton Keynes Theatre's A Christmas Carol.
My personal favourite since Leighton Buzzard's Christmas lights were erected on September 30 - a story that ended up going national and then international, including bizarrely The Bangkok Times - this show sees the Northern Ballet bring a little bit of Xmas cheer to early Autumn.
The show starts on Tuesday - yes, that's October 13 - more than two months before Christmas Day.
Adorned with the catch line 'A Christmas treat for everyone, from Scrooge to Tiny Tim', the shows preamble talks about Ebenezer Scrooge, a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner.
And like dear old Ebenezer MK Theatre seem eager to squeeze every last drop out of this Christmas.
Happy New Year.

Crackers? - A fireworks display with a difference

2009-09-28T13:24:00.000+01:00

CRACKERS?
Delapre Abbey, Northampton
Saturday, September 26
BY CRAIG LEWIS

I WOULD like to be writing this review based purely on a spectacular fireworks display.
On how the county's two council's and theatre combined to bring a fantastic evening's entertainment to thousands of people for free.
So first let me say that the Crackers? fireworks display in the picturesque surrounds of Delapre Abbey - despite in itself lasting no longer than five minutes - was probably the best I've ever seen.
Still, I don't feel I can let the previous hour go unmentioned.
What preceded the display was a bizarre show more suited to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, culminating in a 'full monty' strip tease witnessed by a crowd that included hundreds of children.
Crackers? Exactly.
Branded a fireworks show with a difference, Crackers? saw the audience herded into a central pen with the eventual display taking place all around them - the (successful) aim being to mesmerise and confuse the senses as bangs and lights fire off in every direction.
The show, brought to Northampton by its county and borough councils, Northamptonshire Enterprise Limited and the Royal & Derngate Theatre, is introduced as 'an explosive celebration of the dangerous wonder of fire and fireworks and an exploration of our attitude to risk'.
Thus, viewers were greeted by loudspeakers punctuating some sort of techno dance music with repetitive public safety announcements spouting out warnings about everything from decibel levels to nuclear fallout.
Helmeted pyrotechnics experts asked audience members if they were ready to take a risk - warning it is more dangerous to stand near the edge and, somewhat more strangely, comparing the experience with the first meeting of a household dog and cat.
While all very different from a standard fireworks display, after half and hour the continual nature of the 'warnings' - rather than exciting the senses and raising expectations - began to play on people's nerves.
Eventually a column raised out of the ground and before long was full of Clockwork Orange style images of fire and fireworks exploding, and - on rare occasions - real rockets making their way out of the top of it.
This was all very nice, except by now people were desperate for a proper display and the dance music was seriously beginning to grate.
And then, there she was.
The show's compere emerged from the top of the column to blurt out a long winded, and frankly boring speech telling us all to take a risk; although I couldn't tell you the exact thrust of it as I was started to nod off by then.
What happened next certainly woke everyone up.
With no apparent warning 'Ms Crackers?' launched into an act more usually seen in the Urban Tiger club.
Starting with her hard hat, she bemused the audience with a full on strip tease as the column returned into the ground.
All, I guess, in the name of risk taking.
Thankfully, I was not allowed long to dwell on this as the fireworks were finally underway.
And they were something special. A cacophony of light and sound caused watchers to tilt their heads this way and that, delighting and shocking to equal effect.
I left the show with firecrackers lighting in my head and ringing in my ears.
Not many free events provide such intoxication for the senses and the organisers of Crackers? should be congratulated for a spine tingling show.
Only next year keep your clothes on love.

FILM REVIEW: District 9

2009-09-22T10:31:00.000+01:00

SPACE craft hovering threateningly above city? Check.
Freaky looking aliens armed with an arsenal of weaponry that can vaporise tanks? Check.
Apartheid inspired ghettos and exploitative Nigerian gangsters? Pardon...
Not for District 9 the stereotyped tale of power hungry aliens coming to poor little earth, only to be rebuffed by Will Smith in a suit.
Director Neill Blomkamp's clever flick is so much more than that.
Based 30 years after an alien spaceship came to a stop somewhere over Johannesburg, the film uses a mix of faux-news station coverage and live action to tell the story of District 9, a refugee camp set up to look after the helpless occupants of the ship.
Referred to derogatorily as 'prawns' the aliens turn District 9 into an orderless slum, with its occupants eating out of bins and robbing the city dwellers.
Their animal characteristics are boosted by a strange love of cat food and guttural language.
The film draws strong parallels with South Africa's apartheid era, with mid-level bureaucrat Wikus van der Merwe tasked with relocating 1.8 million aliens to a new camp 240 kilometres away - while his army guard Colonel Kobus Venter threatens to kill them all.
It also provides food for thought on the way refugees are being dealt with around the world, notably the influx of Zimbabweans into South Africa and, closer to home, France's migrant 'jungle'.
In the process of forcing the 'prawns' to sign a series of eviction orders, Wikus is sprayed with some form of alien goo, which starts to mutate with his DNA.
His 'Fly' like transformation into an alien causes him to be hunted by his own firm, Multinational United (MNU), a caricature of the archetypal heartless global corporation.
There is plenty of action in a film which challenges conceptions of good and evil, with all the characters morally corrupt to a greater or lesser degree.
Nigerian gangsters feeding off the plight of the aliens by selling overpriced cat food and interplanetary sex are left to their trade by MNU bosses hoping to find the secret of the alien weaponry while removing their physical blight on the landscape.
But the aliens do not provoke our sympathies greatly either; they live in their own filth, scavenge for anything they can find and are, at times, downright dangerous.
Thought provoking sci-fi for the 21st century? Check, check, check.

FILM REVIEW: Dorian Gray

2009-09-21T16:45:00.000+01:00

OSCAR Wilde once said Lord Henry Wotton was 'what the world thinks me' and Dorian Gray, 'what I would like to be - in other ages, perhaps'.
It is just possible the age we live in today - with botox and plastic surgery more than a match for Basil Hallward's painting - would have allowed Wilde to embrace the Dorian Gray within him.
Certainly it has given director Oliver Parker the chance to explore parts of Wilde's classic 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' that Victorian society would simply not have allowed to be seen.
So we have Ben Barnes' Dorian visiting gin palaces and whore houses in a bleak London which seems to welcome his pact with the devil for eternal life.
For those unaware of Wilde's story, Gray is a beautiful, but naive, young aristocrat who becomes the muse of the probably homosexual (overtly in the film) Hallward.
But twisted by the hedonistic wit of Lord Henry, Gray becomes jealous that the painting will keep its youth, while he must lose his.He makes a wish that the picture will become old, while he remains forever young - in return for his soul.
While Parker's film makes real many of the inferences of Wilde's novel it also pushes the boat out further; celebrating Sibyl Vane as Ophelia, adding elements of horror to the plot with a moving, gurning picture and even incorporating a whole new chapter of Gray's life to the plot.
The film certainly maintains the Gothic horror of Wilde's novel, and even some of its wit, but it is doubtful whether it is as thought provoking or intelligent.
Perhaps, one might say, more cosmetic surgery than real substance.

The future of journalism...

2009-09-14T13:11:00.001+01:00

This, published on Fleet Street Blues today, is frankly frightening...

The newspaper with no journalists

This is scary. Tewspaper, which proudly bills itself as the 'online newspaper with no writers', has just launched in the US. It uses 'crowd-sourcing' (how we hate that word...) to rank news stories, and using various social media technologies we don't pretend to understand, provides local news for five cities - Baltimore, Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles and New York.
It is - sorry but there's no other way to put this - utter shite, of course. No one in their right mind would choose to use it over a proper news website with, you know, proper journalists. It's not great to look at, it's just recycling other people's content and it can't even do that well. As we write this, the top 'National Politics' story is Fox News' 'Ex-Race Horse Makes Recovery After Equine Hell'.
So, if it's rubbish, why is it scary? Because this, unfortunately, is the future we face - an ever-decreasing number of journalists having their copy repackaged in an ever-increasing number of ways by an ever-increasing number of computers. The opportunity to publish a newspaper or run a news website without paying for any journalists at all is, to marketing/publishing types, pretty much irresisitible. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Henry

2009-09-04T13:41:00.000+01:00

My poor cat was shot with an air gun - fortunately he's ok now.
Never one to miss an opportunity we ran the story in this week's Northampton Herald & Post.
Here it is:

Felines under fire in West Hunsbury

BY CRAIG LEWIS

craig.lewis@hpnorthants.co.uk

A NUMBER of cats in the West Hunsbury area have been shot with air guns over recent weeks.
One of the animals even had to be put down after it was seriously injured.
Police, vets and the RSPCA have all condemned the use of such weapons, with community safety officers stepping up patrols in the Hunsbury Wood area.
The issue was revealed after one worried owner contacted this newspaper when her cat had to have a pellet removed from behind its ear.
Michelle Lewis, 34, of Sentinel Road, West Hunsbury, said two-year-old Henry had the bullet removed at Rhodes Veterinary Surgery on Thursday.
She said: “I found a lump on his head behind his ear. Initially I thought it was a cyst and he didn’t seem bothered by it.
“Straight away the vet said she was 90 per cent sure it was an air gun pellet as it felt mushroom shaped.
“She used a needle to test if it was a cyst and would weep; but it was banging against metal.“I was shocked. It was the last thing I had expected her to say.
“The police said there have been a number of cats shot recently.
“How could anyone do that to a cat? Were they aiming to hurt my cat?”
The operation was a success, but Mrs Lewis added: “It was so sad when he came back. He was really drowsy and I had to carry him up the stairs.
“His head has been shaved and there is a stitch in it, but he has been lucky really.”
Delapre and Briar Hill Community Safer Team has since stepped up patrols in the wood.
Sergeant Tora Liggins said: “Members of the Briar Hill Safer Community Team are appealing for information after two cats were shot with an air weapon, one of which had to be put to sleep as a result of the injury it sustained.
“This is a particularly nasty crime against a defenceless animal and has caused much anguish for the families that own the cats and I would urge anyone who may know who is responsible to contact us.
“We are proactively patrolling the parks in the area on top of our usual patrols in a bid to find those responsible.”
Lisa Evans, from Rhodes Veterinary Surgery, said: “There have been a couple of cases that we know of and it is happening more often.
“Depending where the cats are shot, it can affect them in different ways. Some pellets just become embedded and do not affect them, some might hit a major organ and could be fatal.
“The people who do this are disgusting and inhumane.”
RSPCA spokeswoman Sophie Wilkinson said such attacks often increase during the summer holidays.
“This is all too common. We see birds shot most frequently, but cats are close behind,” she said.
“It is normally either someone trying to keep cats away from their garden or kids who have got bored of shooting at targets. We do tend to see the number of attacks go up during school holidays and at weekends.
“It is something that should not be tolerated.
“These sort of weapons cause a lot of damage and quite often cause fatal injuries or mean cats have to be put to sleep.”
She added that the society would not hesitate to prosecute anyone caught shooting animals.
Anyone with information about these shootings can call police on 03000 111 222 or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111. The RSPCA can be contacted on 0300 1234 999.

A different era

2009-08-28T11:29:00.000+01:00

AN interesting insight at the memorial service for Bedford Mayor and LSN Media founder Frank Branston yesterday.
One speaker at the Bedford Corn Exchange event was Mr Branston's former editor at The Bedfordshire Times, Douglas May.
During his speech Mr May revealed how when he took charge at the Beds Times he had a staff of, wait for it... 53 journalists.
Unimpressed with many of them he sacked 12 within his first week.
If most editors were to do that these days they would end up with minus staff.

Althorp Battle Proms

2009-08-23T10:29:00.000+01:00

AN Indian girl stands in front of the stage dancing to Irish folk music and waving her Union Jack flag as if her life depends on it.
A pair of pensioners hold hands, sup Champagne and spring to their feet to sing 'Jerusalem' and 'Land of Hope and Glory.'
A generous stall owner hands over a small, cuddly toy to a pretty little girl in a red dress after she knocks six tin cans flying with a bean bag - a game he refused to allow her to pay for.
Thousands of people sit round picnic baskets, trestle tables, rugs; under fancy gazebos or simply the Northamptonshire sky as it turns from bright sun to an English summers evening to the chill of a night lit up by lanterns and laughter.
There is hot soup, rolls, buckets of salad and quiche, toffee puddings and cake. Champagnes, red and white wines, Pimms, a lone bottle of Tia Maria.
The pretty tree lined fields of the ancestral home of a tragic Princess provide the backdrop for Napoleonic cavalry, cannons and a graceful Spitfire.
For Mendelssohn, Strauss, Tchaikovsky, Beethoven and Puccini. Music that fills the soul and excites the senses.
The French cavalry receives mock boos, the English are cheered as they send cabbages sprawling from the top of spikes; flags swirl in the night air at the excitement of this green and pleasant land of hope and glory.
Earlier the Spitfire, piloted by Carolyn Grace, swooped and soared through the sky in a way its sucessors can only dream of. This plane, built in 1944 for darker times, brought cheers from a crowd encompassing every age from two to 62 and beyond.
Pensioners and children swirl past as they waltz into the night, the strain of the bagpipes wafts across the field and more corks pop out of bottles brandished with a smile.
The crash of cannon fire stirs hearts and fireworks excite tiring eyes, Chilean wine works into the blood of thirsty watchers and the orchestra moves towards it grand finale.
The roar of the crowd as first Jerusalem, then Rule Britannia and finally Land of Hope and Glory light up the ever darkening night.
Happy faces, patriotic hearts led by souls filled with music from a dozen different lands as they move back to vehicles and the comfort of their homes.
This is Battle Proms.

Delapre Abbey

2009-08-16T19:20:00.000+01:00

HIDDEN away in the centre of Northampton is the oasis that is Delapre Abbey.
Dating back to 1145 the Abbey and its grounds offer relaxation and history in equal measure.
The Grade II listed building may not be in the highest state of repair, but its gardens and surrounding landscape have certainly been the subject of some hard work and loving care.
Much of this comes from the volunteers who work its fabulous tea room and the Friends of Delapre Abbey, which formed as recently as 2001 to save the building and grounds from council plans to sell up to a private developer.
The orderly grounds are perfect for a picnic, a family day out or as a picturesque exercise yard for cyclists, joggers and walkers alike.
Originally a nunnery, the Abbey is based on land at Hardingstone - De la Pre - granted to then Earl of Northampton, Simon de Senlis II, in 1145.
Its grounds are home to 18th century stables built by Admiral Charles Hardy, a library created by Edward Bouverie - a member of the last family to occupy the Abbey before it was sold to Northampton Development Corporation in 1946 - a late 19th century pet cemetery and the trees of Charter Wood, planted to celebrate the 800th anniversary of the charter granted to Northampton by King Richard I permitting the town to hold a market.
Between 1957 and 1990 the Abbey served as Northamptonshire Record Office, after record office founder Joan Wake raised £15,000 to save it from demolition, and remnants of that era can be found on inscriptions still in place on the buildings doors.
That was not the only time Delapre Abbey has been subject to battle.
In July 1460, the Yorkists beat the Lancastrians at the Battle of Northampton - fought within the Abbey's grounds.
Of course, that victory did not help the House of York retain the throne and it was Henry Tudor's eventual success that would mark the beginning of the end for the Abbey in its original form.
Tudor's son, King Henry VIII, dissolved the monasteries following his fall out with the Catholic church - and in 1538 the Abbey became a private home.
Those battles are now a distant memory in this peaceful haven, particularly within its pretty tea rooms and surrounding gardens.
There is nothing more English than sitting in a country garden, eating cream cakes with jam swilled down with tea.
Delapre Abbey is an ideal escape from the hubbub of modern life, but it also has so much more to tell us about how we got here.

RIP Frank Branston

2009-08-16T11:27:00.000+01:00

FRANK Branston, latterly the Mayor of Bedford but previously the owner of Local Sunday Newspapers, died on Friday.

By all accounts Frank was a fearsome newsman with a reputation for taking no prisoners, either in the office or in the 'establishment.'

I had the pleasure of meeting Frank a couple of times during his 'Royal Visits' to the MK NEWS office, but never actually worked under his leadership.

However, I do have one anecdote about him.

When I was lucky enough to win The Newspaper Society's best news journalist title in 2006, my proud editor David Gale wrote an email to Frank telling him of his newspapers' continuing success.

Frank sent a brief congratulatory note in reply including something along the lines of, 'of course, Craig has some way to go, I won that title seven times myself.'

RIP Frank.

Here are some links on the website of Frank's first newspaper Bedfordshire on Sunday paying tribute to the great man:

http://www.bedsonsunday.com/bedsonsunday-news/DisplayArticle.asp?ID=441708

http://www.bedsonsunday.com/bedsonsunday-news/DisplayArticle.asp?ID=441699

http://www.bedsonsunday.com/bedsonsunday-news/DisplayArticle.asp?ID=441700

http://www.bedsonsunday.com/bedsonsunday-news/DisplayArticle.asp?ID=441709

Toby Carvery, East Hunsbury

2009-08-14T16:33:00.000+01:00

FOOD REVIEW

Innkeeper's Lodge and Toby Carvery
London Road, Wootton (East Hunsbury, Northants)

AT a time when your average town centre offers everything from Polish to Vietnamese, it doesn't do any harm to sample some good old fashioned English fare every now and again.
And at a recession busting £5 (between Monday and Friday) you won't get much better than the carvery at the Toby Inn.
With slabs of beef, chicken and gammon (or all three) available, along with as much fresh veg as you can pile on your plate, there's plenty to fill even the hungriest belly.
The East Hunsbury Inn has just undergone a million pound revamp with the restaurant, rooms and boardrooms all getting an upgrade.
As with the food it is a sensible mix of style and budget friendly pricing which makes the Innkeeper's Lodge an attractive proposition. The rooms may lack the five star class of some hotels, but they have everything either a businessman or a family could want; including flat screen TVs, wi-fi connection, comfortable twin or double beds and smart, roomy interiors.
It may not be The Ritz, but if you want some good old fashioned food and beers, coupled with more than comfortable rooms you could do a lot worse.

Best blog around

2009-08-11T09:39:00.001+01:00

If your a journo and your not reading this already then you should be - a true warts and all commentary on the industry.

http://blunt-a-blog.blogspot.com/

This is the latest offering:

You will abide by the grooming standard
I wear a suit and tie to work every day. It's a kick back to the nationals.Shoes clean. Shirt ironed. Conservative tie. Suit not covered in sick. Any less and you could be sent home.In many respects it makes sense. In the mind of many, a suit and tie still gives an air of authority to the wearer. Even more so, in this casual age.I remember one particularly scary death knock on a very, very hard council estate outside Glasgow.I was pure shiteing it - to use the vernacular. There were neds (non-educated-delinquents) hanging from the door frame - beady eyes, baseballs caps, missing teeth and shiny shell suits everywhere - and I was convinced I was about to feel cold steel or a broken bottle this night.As I left my car I noticed another of my trade - also white faced - leaving his car. A quick nod and we strode purposefully to the door - game faces firmly on. Through the neds, who parted for us, and up the stairs (lift was predictably fucked) and to the 17th floor flat.We were in and out, quotes and collects in hand, within 20 minutes with the wee wifey considering us to be the polis - to continue the Irvine Welsh effect.Not once did we say we were anything other than two guys in suits working for the papers but people assumed we were something we weren't.And we were smart enough to allow them to think what they like.Now imagine that scenario with you wearing a t-shirt, jeans and trainers. You ain't getting in the door without a chib in the gutsSince that day I use my clothes like a suit of armour.Dress smart, act smart, work smart. From the moment I put my suit on, the outside world can not affect me.I am important. I am professional. I will be taken seriously.Also, dressing smart every day should be a necessity.How can you know whether you will be sent to court or to a death knock, an inquest or a funeral?Respect is not just given by how you act but also how you show up to someone's place.Not everyone gets it.My favourite fuck-off and get changed moment came when a new boy had his first day on a national's London desk - run at this time by an indomitably nasty news ed.Our new recruit was dressed in yellow corduroy slacks, a mostly unbuttoned, unironed casual shirt and - the piece de resistance - sockless brown loafers.Fuck me, if you wore a grey suit in that office or unbuttoned your collar you were deemed a dangerous rebel.I have never seen someone so utterly humiliated in front of 50 plus hacks when the news ed bawled him out before sending him home for the day.The new recruit went on to become a very successful foreign corr in a country where flip flops are the national costume.The other evil cunt is still very much alive and still working on one of Britain's great (smartly dressed) national papers.Maybe casual ain't so bad, after all.

Well done, Lui

2009-08-11T09:35:00.000+01:00

Top work from LD Express reporter Lui Straccia - as chronicled on holdthefrontpage...

http://www.holdthefrontpage.co.uk/news/090804splashes.shtml

Reporter's scoops splashed in Sun and Mail
by holdthefrontpage staff

A weekly newspaper reporter in Bedfordshire chalked up a notable double last month with two consecutive splashes that ended up as page one leads in the nationals.
In last week's Luton and Dunstable Express, reporter Lui Straccia revealed the amazing story of a woman pregnant with her 14th child, whose existing childen had all been taken into care.
The 36-year-old woman told the Express she would continue having children until the council let her keep one of them.
The story was splashed in the following day's Sun with a double-page spread inside.
The previous week, Lui secured an exclusive on a group of Luton youngsters on a school trip who were bundled out of France because one of them had swine flu.
This story subsequently appeared on the front-page of the Daily Mail.

Benidorm

2009-07-03T20:42:00.001+01:00

TRAVEL REVIEW

I am reliably told if a pigeon decides to use you as its personal toilet then, for some unfathomable reason, it is good luck.

I can confidently say it did not feel that way when Senor Paloma decided to deposit his lunch on my shirt as I walked through Benidorm's surprisingly traditional old town.

But looking back it seems there may be something in the old wives tale - as I was certainly lucky to spend two fantastic days on the sun kissed Spanish coast.

Think of Benidorm and images of sunburnt Brits, kiss me quick hats and stag nights may well flash across your mind; and while all that is certainly there, the resort dubbed the 'Manhattan of Spain' has so much more to offer.

Indeed, Benidorm is a city of contrasts. One minute you are walking past Brit style pubs and cafes dotted along the seafront; but turn a corner into the old town and you might just find yourself walking through a busy street full of Tapas bars frequented by tourists not from Newcastle, London or Manchester, but from Madrid or Valencia.

Benidorm Burger King is a short walk from Kataria Gastronomica, home of award winning chef Oscar Marcos and seafood to die for; while Irish bars can easily be swapped for those playing more traditional Spanish fare.

For those willing to look, Benidorm is a culinary joy. Chef Marcos is only too willing to chat to his guests while serving them a seven course delight to tantalise their tastebuds.

Fine Spanish wine, a laid back atmosphere and trendy, ultra-modern surrounds complete the picture.

For those wanting an all together different dining experience, a background of burlesque dancers, balancing acts and slapstick trampolining can be found at Benidorm Palace.

The venue's cabaret show includes a three course meal and spectacular surroundings that make you feel like a cross between an Italian mobster and an extra from Moulin Rouge.

Dancing girls treat you to everything from the cha-cha to rag doll rock, with spectacular light shows and sound effects adding to the overall impression.

Of course, Benidorm still offers plenty for those who prefer the trusted three S's of sun, sand and sea.

With temperatures in the high 20s and even higher, its sun tan lotion all the way; while the beaches are clean and the sea clear.

Benidorm is a sun worshippers paradise, but its evening choices are as wide ranging as you want them to be.

Just watch out for the pigeons.

HOW TO GET THERE: easyJet flies from London Luton to Alicante (for Benidorm) from £24.99 (one way including tax).
www.easyJet.com

WHERE TO STAY: Try the Hotel Gran Bali, the tallest hotel in Europe at 186m tall. Complete with a magnificent swimming pool, spectacular glass lift, in-house restaurant and superb sea views.
Calle del Actor Luis Prendes
03502 Benidorm, Spain
www.granhotelbali.com

RESTAURANT: Kataria Gastronomica, Avenida Europa, 5-03503 Benidorm; Tel: 966 831 372; www.katariagastronomica.com

Village cricket's best opening bowlers

2009-06-22T20:32:00.000+01:00

There was something surreal about watching Brixworth Cricket Club this weekend.
Spectators at the club's picturesque new ground just north of Northampton would have seen a tall, rangy Australian fast bowler racing in from one end.
From the other, a burly Englishman of West Indian origin tore in.
Nothing unusual so far you might think, until I tell you that the names of these bowlers.
Jason Gillespie and Devon Malcolm played 111 test matches between them, taking an impressive 387 wickets.Opposing Northamptonshire Cricket Academy batsman would have been justifiably nervous before heading out to the crease.
But then playing alongside and against former first class cricket stars is not something entirely new for these young cricketers.
For the Northamptonshire Cricket League Premier Division also plays hosts to former Zimbabwean international Dion Ebrahim and Sri Lankan test all-rounder Chamila Gamage. And ex-Northamptonshire star David Ripley leads the current Academy side.
But Dizzy, as the Adelaide born paceman is known, is a class ahead of even these stars.
Gillespie, still only 34 and fresh from three seasons of county cricket with Yorkshire and Glamorgan, took 259 wickets in 71 matches wearing the green and gold.
He was part of an Australian side that was largely unbeatable. So what persuaded the Sydney born paceman to the unusual surrounds of Brixworth?
Malcolm has been a fixture at the club in recent years and Gillespie was persuaded to join after playing a match for exhibition side Lashings alongside the former England paceman.
He is set to play for Brixworth for two or three weeks prior to taking up media commitments for the England versus Australia Ashes series.
Brixworth vice-chairman Andy Roper said: "With the Ashes coming up it was a fairly unique opportunity."Devon played a Lashings game and Jason was also playing. Jason let it slip that he has two or three weeks free before his Ashes commitments.
"It is a very good standard in the league and both Devon and Jason would admit their best days are behind them, but I would be surprised if there is a better attack than that.
"Not many attacks can boast nigh on 400 test wickets."
But despite all that experience it was the Academy boys who came through.
Brixworth scored 245-7, with Gillespie hitting a quickfire 19 - including two fours and a six - but Robert Newton's 94 helped his young side to victory.
Malcolm tore in to take 2-59 and Gillespie helped himself to 3-67, but with the Ashes on the horizon it seems the future of English cricket - in Northants at least - is in safe hands.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

2009-06-05T00:03:00.001+01:00

THEATRE REVIEW

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
Royal & Derngate
Monday, June 1 - Saturday, June 6
BY CRAIG LEWIS

Take a slice of Biblical history and a smidgen of modern day reality TV.

Mix them together with an all-singing, all-dancing cast of thespians and the result is the latest version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

The show, currently playing at the Royal & Derngate until Saturday, stars Any Dream Will Do's Craig Chalmers in the lead role.

For those who don't know the story, Joseph is the eldest - and favourite - of Jacob's eleven sons.

His jealous siblings turn on their elder brother after their father gives him a fantastic coat of many colours.

They sell him to Egypt, where he eventually falls into jail before coming into the service of Pharaoh.The result is a rollercoaster, soap opera of a show; with plenty of laughs, a huge dollop of cheese and enough 'feel good factor' to satisfy even the most recession worn audience.

If your looking for high brow entertainment save yourself for the upcoming Alan Ayckbourn season, but if its a sing-a-long fantasy you want Joseph could be just the thing.

FILM REVIEW: Star Trek

2009-05-16T10:03:00.000+01:00

Sometimes you have to make choices in life.
Labour or Conservative, Eubank against Benn, Oasis vs Blur, blonde or brunette?
Some are life changing, some of temporary importance, others shape who you become.
Are you the galaxy saving hero with the retro-cool weapon tied to an ancient religion? Or are you the slightly podgy Starfleet captain who makes Gorgonzola look like mild cheese?
In case you haven't guessed I'm talking Star Wars versus Star Trek; and yes, this reviewer is a fully paid up member of the Skywalker fan club.
So it was with some trepidation that I approached the latest incarnation of the Star Trek legacy.
In it, William Shatner is replaced by an all-action Chris Pine as a young James Tiberius Kirk. In a split from the original format - which we later find has been created by the time travelling escapades of an older Spock (played by an impressive Leonard Nimoy, recreating the role that made him famous) - Kirk's father George is killed while saving the crew, including young James, from an attack by Romulan warrior, Nero.
Nero's actions create an alternate universe in which James T grows up as a hell-raising town boy (and Spock as Sylar from Heroes), until he is recruited to Starfleet by Captain Christopher Pike. Cue some rites of passage drama, a brief introduction to most of the old Star Trek crew in various guises and Nero is quickly back on the scene preparing to blow Kirk, Spock, Vulcan and even dear old mother Earth into oblivion.
The drama is fast moving and with the cheese levels just about kept in check some good old fashioned space action makes this a more than watchable action flick.
Aside from some comedy fight scenes and a frozen planet that has embarrassingly Hoth-like ambitions, Star Trek ticks all the right boxes.
But better than Star Wars? Maybe in an alternate universe.

Film Review: Wolverine

2009-05-04T09:55:00.000+01:00

Let's be honest. Wolverine has always been the best of the X-Men.
There is something slightly moody, mysterious and downright cool about a indestructible half-man, half-wolf with massive claws.
And something pleasantly dark as well.
Just as mean and melancholy Batman will always have the edge over other 'happy clappy,' kids don't smoke Superheroes, Wolverine always had something a bit special when compared to his fellow X-Men.
Sure everyone likes heroes who can blast rays from their eyes, turn to ice or read people's minds, but there's a touch of All -American college Jock or cheerleader about some of Charles Xavier's other followers.
Not so this middle-aged, hairy, me-against-the-world Canadian.
And it's this darker side which makes the latest X-Men film the best so far.
Just as Spidey and Batman have benefitted from embracing the anti-hero side of their characters in recent box office smashes, so Wolverine is the hero who is not sure he really likes what he's doing.
The film plots the history of Logan from a young boy to his involvement with a special forces unit made up of other mutant beings, including his equally wolf-like brother Victor, and eventually reveals why he is the anti-establishment figure he becomes in the later movies.
Marvel Comics Wolverine was originally the darling of a public fed up with America's role in the Vietnam War, but his persona is equally relevant in a world battling against extremism, corrupt Government and recession.
Embrace your dark side...

FILM REVIEW: Knowing

2009-04-19T10:07:00.000+01:00

AS a young and aspiring actor Nicolas Coppola changed his surname to Cage to avoid any charges of nepotism that may arise from his relationship to uncle, Francis Ford.
As a fact that is something that may be worth knowing - unlike anything arising from Cage's latest film, an appalling mixture of science, action-adventure, fantasy and huge slices of suspension of disbelief.
In Knowing, Cage plays John Koestler, a reprisal of his eccentric academic role which was so popular in National Treasure; a kind of poor man's Indiana Jones.
The film sees Koestler, via his son Caleb, come across a mysterious scripture plucked from a time capsule planted at the boy's school 50 years earlier.
A series of numbers of the scripture - written by a rather disturbed nine-year-old Mystic Meg - turn out to be predictions of the time and date of world disasters; the next of which, of course, is taking place on Koestler's doorstep.
A quick dalliance with mild alcoholism, a doomed relationship with the daughter of the aforementioned sage, some strange encounters of what can only be described as the 'third kind' and a jaw dropping moment where Cage and his cronies realise they only have one day to save the world - so decide to go to bed - and Koestler is ready to learn all the world's secrets.
The only problem is they really aren't worth Knowing...

Oslo Screams Culture

2009-02-06T13:26:00.000Z

There's not many city break destinations that offer everything from existential insecurity to snow ball fights.

But the Norwegian city of Oslo hosts attractions ranging from high art and culture to busy shopping malls, wintry weather to Viking history.

As I stare at a screaming man struggling to cope with the struggles of modern life, it is easy to see why Edvard Munch's art is so admired.

A cynic such as this one is quickly dragged into pessimistic thoughts when viewing Munch's Scream.

The painting is a representation of man's struggles against the world and is as relevant today as when Munch first put it to canvas in 1893.

I am staring at it from the necessarily warm insides of Oslo's National Gallery, part of the city's university. Outside the world is covered in a deep blanket of snow; despite which the people of Norway are continuing their normal, daily lives as if it were no more than an April shower.

Munch painted the Scream after one particular walk with friends at sunset in Oslo's Ekeberg Hills and it represents man's desperation and anxiety as a new and frightening century approaches and he is abandoned by God - who Nietzsche had declared dead in 1872.

Not that Oslo makes you want to scream. Just minutes before I was acquainted with Munch's masterpiece, I had been dodging through the streets of this white city in the midst of a fearsome snowball fight with Mrs Lewis.

Oslo is beautiful in the snow and I contemplated basing this review around such rare pleasures as this brings. But the extraordinary weather conditions of the last week make these less tantalising in people's minds.

Readers need only think back to last Friday to be reminded of freezing conditions, a blanket of white snow, slippery steps and the need to huddle together for warmth. Nevertheless, these are some of the joys of Oslo.

One of the city's most famous attractions is the picturesque Vigelandsparken or Vigeland Park.
The life's work of sculptor Gustav Vigeland (1869-1943) this bizarre site attracts more than one million visitors a year.

It consists of more than 200 sculptures - figures vary between 198 and 212 - of naked men and women in various poses. Its centrepiece is the Monolith, a phallic tower some 25 to 30 foot tall, consisting of 121 entwined (and, of course, naked) human figures reaching up into the sky.

Standing in the park I had no idea what this could signify, but its monstrous height coupled with an amazing backdrop of the rest of the Vigelandsparken and behind it the busy city made for an impressive sight.

A later explanation tells me the Monolith represents man’s desire to become closer with the spiritual and divine. It portrays a feeling of togetherness as the human figures embrace one another on their way toward salvation.

Oslo is certainly a city that takes the mind on to many different plains. The Viking Ship Museum, based a ten minute bus journey away at Bygdoy (note to British bus operators, the service runs every 15 minutes and is always on time), is no exception.

The museum contains the remarkable remains of three Viking ships, the Gokstad, the Oseberg and the Tune.

The latter is little more than a wooden carcass, but the first two ships give viewers a real insight into what life must have been like for the Viking people.

These vessels - not much more than fishing boats to us - made it across fearsome seas to the British Isles and even America; a testament to the seamanship and hardiness of the Viking race.

The ships provided no cover for their 30 or so oarsmen, rations consisted of nothing more than dry food and sea water had to be bailed out as fast and often as the rowers propelled themselves through the ocean.

All three ships were eventually used as burial mounds - the Gokstad for a Viking Queen and the Oseberg for a warrior chieftain - and the museum also includes artifacts and tools buried with the dead to help them to the afterlife.

For the real scholar the city offers the Oslo pass, which provides free entry to many of its 33 museums - which also include the Munch Museum, Ibsen Museum, Jewish Museum and Norwegian Maritime Museum - and free public transport.

Busy shopping malls and a host of enticing - if expensive - restaurants complete the attraction of Oslo.

One final word of warning if travelling there by plane, those 'truth economists' at RyanAir use Torp airport rather than Oslo's main one at Gardermoen.

This is, in fact, a London Luton-esque distance from where it purports to be. It takes an hour and a half train journey to reach Oslo at a budget busting 418 Norwegian Krone for two (around £40).

It's enough to make you existentially insecure.

Film Review - Frost/Nixon

2009-01-28T16:30:00.000Z

Imagine a storm of controversy was to catch hold of Barack 'too good to be true' Obama and result in his being ousted from the Oval Office.
As the world's media clamoured to interview its most famous politician, he eventually opts for a chat with... Jonathan Ross.
Ridiculous?
Well, that is a modern day version of what happens in Frost/Nixon, the story of how a David Frost - portrayed as a playboy, chat show host - came to interview President Richard Nixon following the Watergate scandal.
OK, so Sir David, as we should call him now, had a bit more political acumen than Mr Ross having presiding over the satirical That Was The Week That Was and interviewed politicians such as Rhodesian premier Ian Smith; but he was hardly a Paxman style rottweiler - and neither was/is he an American.
Frost/Nixon tells how Frost, desperate to break back into the American market, launches a plan to bring in massive worldwide audiences by landing the former President - a slippery customer who among other things surprises his interviewer by asking him 'did you fornicate last night?' seconds before they go live.
After hiring a crack team ('I'll be deep crack,' one of them jests) of investigators Frost meets Tricky Dicky for a series of interviews, culminating in a session on Watergate.
The aim is to give Nixon the trial he never got.
Frost/Nixon is an often humorous, often intriguing look at the political sparring that followed - and ultimately proved the power of television.

The Swan, Salford

2009-01-22T14:26:00.000Z

THERE'S nothing worse than going to a restaurant to find your partner has taken a sudden fancy to the food you so carefully selected.
But such is the quality of the Thai Crab starter I chose in the attractively Edwardian surrounds of The Swan in Salford, that Mrs Lewis just can't keep her sticky mits of it.
Not that the Caesar salad, complete with free range roast chicken, crispy bacon and anchovies (starter £5.50, main £10.50) that she has picked is any less appealing.
'I'll definitely be coming back here to have that,' she says, sneaking another chunk of crab onto her plate.
It's a conclusion I imagine many of the diners at this village pub find themselves coming to.
The Swan opened in 2005 and, with an ethos based around using freshly made and locally sourced products, has quickly become popular with residents and punters from further afield.Just ten minutes from Central Milton Keynes and accessible from Bedford, Leighton Buzzard and even Northampton and Luton, The Swan is well worth the journey.
I fondly remember surprising Milton Keynes Dons chairman Pete Winkelman on a previous visit when I took a table next to his, prompting jocular insinuations of press harassment.
As well as the delightful crab (starter £6.50, main £12), The Swan boasts a range of starters including pheasant, apricot and smoked bacon terrine (£6) and warm chicken liver (£5.75).
Its seasonal menu includes main courses such as free range Coq au Vin, sea bass fillets, slow roast pork belly and even sausage and mash.
I opt for duck breast with creamed cabbage and fondant potato (£14.50), which offered a generous portion of duck - cooked either rare or well done - and plenty of flavour.
My wife chooses the homely 10oz Aberdeenshire rib steak with the fattest of fat chips and a bearnaise sauce.
A fine selection of deserts is also available, along with the alternative of a selection of artisan cheese, apple, biscuits and chutney - guests at an adjacent table order this option which looks like a meal in itself.
Mrs Lewis opts for the banana tarte tatin (£5) - a fresh and healthy dish to finish off with.
Personally I go for the selection of ice creams (£4.50). Made by Maynards of Biggleswade this offers flavours including vanilla, honeycomb, mint chocolate, fudge, orange sorbet and raspberry sorbet.
As someone who has sampled produce in the home ice cream, Italy, this did not fade in comparison - and this time I make sure I kept it all to myself.

Seven Pounds cinema review

2009-01-19T17:20:00.000Z

Will Smith has come a long way from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
These days the former rapper is more like the King of Hollywood than anyone's heir.
His last seven films have all reached number one in the Box Office and in 2008 he topped Quigley Publishing's list of revenue earners.
So it was no surprise to see the cinema packed to the rafters for his latest production, Seven Pounds.
In it Smith plays the world's kindest IRS man, Ben Thomas, who among other things arranges for Emily Posa - a young woman with a heart condition - to have a tax break and forces a unscrupulous care home owner to give a neglected patient a bath.
The motives for Thomas' benevolence are more mysterious - as are the relationships he shares with a best friend who looks set to cry every time he sees him, the brother who is desperately trying to track him down and a wife who only ever appears in flashbacks.
Smith puts in an intoxicating performance that leaves you desperately trying to figure out what is really going on. It is obvious he has a plan - its just that no-one is telling you what it is.
Its also obvious that his character is falling in love with Posa against his own will.
Seven Pounds weaves its way intricately through its first hour without giving very much away at all, but the final revelations are well worth the wait.
Unlike Smith's Oscar vehicle The Pursuit of Happyness, Seven Pounds is a far heavier production and your more likely to be crying into your popcorn at the end than leaving the cinema with a 'feel good' grin across your face.
But if you like your cinema to have a bit more about it than Smith's last mega-bucks hit, the supremely disappointing Hancock, than this could be the film for you.

Tea at the Ritz

2009-01-17T13:09:00.000Z

Sandwiches cut into rectangles, scones with clotted cream and jam, a display of the most delightfully put together and presented cakes you could ever wish to find.
It could only be Tea at The Ritz.
London - if not the world's - most famous hotel is an experience which everyone should try at least once.
Admitedly £75 may seem a lot for a few cakes and some tea - but this is The Ritz.
A member of the prestigious Tea Guild, The Ritz offers a wide selection of teas and I was somewhat ashamed to order the English Tea, only for the waiter to say 'one house tea' as if I had ordered the most common plonk on the menu when Chateauneuf de Pape was on offer.
The best thing about The Ritz experince is the elegant and splended interior, and the submissive waitor service which comes from altogether another era.
Visitors certainly feel important, making this an ideal location for a birthday or Christmas treat.

Food Review - Black Horse, Woburn

2008-12-18T14:10:00.000Z

The Black Horse, Bedford Street, Woburn
Christmas Menu

I usually get round to eating my Christmas pudding around June.What with festive days on end filled with chocolates, minced pies and a helping of turkey that would make Bernard Matthews jealous, the poor pud is normally overlooked in the scramble for festive fare.
Often time it is discovered in the back of the cupboard months later and devoured in a vain attempt to bring that special Christmas feeling to a rainy summer's day.
So this year I was determined not to miss out on the timely delights of this most famous of puddings. And the new Christmas Menu at Woburn's Black Horse gave me the ideal chance to keep my promise.
This cosy Georgian Inn kicked off its special menu last Thursday and will continue serving it right up to Christmas Eve.
My wife and I were treated to a mix of the new menu and The Black Horse's usual a la carte menu.
Options on the Christmas Menu include starters such as white onion and cider soup, ham hock terrine or smoked trout and mains like turkey parcel wrapped in pancetta, pan fried halibut, linguine and Aberdeenshire beef.
Puddings included dark chocolate pot with shortbread, pear parfait with brandy snaps and the much anticipated pudding.
I opted for the ham hock followed by the beef, while my wife sampled the carrot soup off the pub's specials board and a main course of poached chicken breast.
Much of The Black Horse's food is sourced from across the British Isles, with fish from Cornwall, free-range turkey from Warwickshire and pork from Suffolk, meaning it is fresh tasting and lacks the preservatives that haunt many pubs, restaurants and supermarkets.
Christmas Menu punters get Santa hats and a little Christmas gift to get into the proper spirit, while if you pre-book you also get a complimentary glass of wine.
And then, of course, there's the dessert.
The Christmas Pudding comes served with brandy sauce and is every bit as delicious as I expected.
So, don't wait until June get down to The Black Horse this Xmas and enjoy the very best of festive food.
For reservations call 01525 290210 or for more information log on to www.blackhorsewoburn.co.uk

Vienna

2008-10-18T10:32:00.000+01:00

I've been very lazy on this blog recently, so its about time I wrote an update and let you all know about Shell and I's latest trip - to Vienna.
The Austrian capital - for six centuries the seat of power for the Hapsburg family and the Holy Roman Empire it ruled - is a secret jewel in the heart of Europe.
And it has the most unexpected fun fair I have ever seen in a city.
We visited The Prater on our first day in Vienna. Find the Giant Ferris Wheel and you find The Prater, originally an area of green land given to the Austrian people by Emperor Joseph II (previously it was a Royal hunting ground).
We spent the evening walking around a mix of rollercoasters, haunted houses and cafes. The Prater has a quaint charm - reminding me more of the annual fair that would rock up in your home town as a kid, rather than the slick, organised kind of thing you find at somewhere like Alton Towers - only three or four times the size.
The big wheel - built by an Englishman, Walter Basset, in the 1890s - offers fantastic views over the city and, on the following morning, gave us a few marker points to find the city centre.
The centre is itself is tiny for a major city and can be walked across in little more than 20 minutes.
But during that trip you will see some of the finest architecture about, fashioned by the dynastic Hapsburgs.
The most prominent landmark is the centrally placed Stephansdom, or St Stephen's Cathedral. Built in 1147, it was restructured in Gothic style by Duke Rudolf IV of Habsburg. Taking the main route from the Stephansdom we found ourselves walking down the touristy Graben, a city centre street which combines beautiful architecture with modern shops and cafe culture.
From there we took in an array of sites including the Hofburg, the Museum Quarter, Belvedere Palace and Vienna Opera House, before heading off to the spectacular Schonbrunn Palace.
Spectacular it may be - but don't walk there from the city centre, even if - like ours did - your map suggests it is only a five minute stroll away.
We were walking for well over an hour before we asked a kind passer-by how close we were. Not very was the answer... Fortunately Vienna has an excellent underground train system and two stops later we were there.
The Palace is set in massive grounds, which contain acres of gardens and even a zoo. Built as a rival to France's Versailles Palace, it was the home of, among many others, Emperor Franz Joseph and Maria Theresia, who listened to performances from a six-year-old Mozart while in the parlour.
The grounds also boast a fine coffee house, which features a range of crepes, sandwiches and desserts - the banana split comes with enough cream to keep an army of cats happy.
A city that was home to one of Europe's premier dynasties for six centuries certainly kept us happy.

'Mud Angels' reveal Florence's bright side

2008-09-26T08:40:00.000+01:00

FLORENCE in the sun is revered as one of the most beautiful cities in Europe, if not the world.
Florence in the rain is like anywhere else: its wet and cold and leaves you dreaming of warm towels and even warmer bed sheets.
Visions of Italian ice cream had certainly fallen off the agenda.
Escaping from the rain into one of the city's tourist buses is no saviour either.
Viewers on the top deck usually take in a series of monuments and churches of Renaissance design, topped off by the magnificent domed Santa Maria del Fiore.
Substitute that on my visit for grey skies and pouring rain, pools of water on the seats and great difficulty in standing up.
Sadly, you don't see much of a city famous for its steepling architecture when sitting on the lower level of a bus - but you do get to listen to the tour guide.
And that's where I learnt about 1966 and all that.
No, not the World Cup and England's sadly distant solitary victory, but a time when Florence really was hit by the rains.
For on the night of November 3, 1966 Florence was the centre of a flood which left 30 people died and many thousands homeless.
This Godly city was eventually saved by a series of angels. Whether they were sent from Heaven or not I will leave to you, but the 'mud angels' came to Italy from all over the world.
It is a remarkable story.
Police in the Tuscan city initially received calls for help from villagers further up the valley of the River Arno after a third of the region's annual rainfall fell in just two days.
The situation worsened when the city's drainage system and cellars filled with rain, spewing water out onto the streets.
Electricity began to fail and the ancient Roman aqueduct began to creak under the pressure of the rain. Santa Croce and San Frediano were already under water and as mud began to flow through the underground of the city a 52-year-old workman became the rain's first victim, choking to death in a tunnel.
Public buildings locked up for the national Armed Forced Day holiday also filled with water, leaving many magnificent works of art and treasured books ruined.
By 4am a group of engineers, worried that the Valdarno dam was about to burst, discharged a huge volume of water which rushed towards Florence at speeds of more than 37mph.
Smashing aside cars and trees, the floods burst into churches, ancient palaces and homes cutting off gas, electricity and fresh water supplies as it went.
Even the city's electric clocks came to a halt at 7.26am, followed more worryingly by emergency generators at the hospital.
Landslides followed as the Arno embankment gave way and the city was cut in two and isolated from the rest of the world.
On the banks of the river, the Biblioteca Nazionale Centrale (National Central Library) and the Uffizi Gallery, which was full of priceless works of art including Botticelli's La Primavera, suffered.
Next to be hit was the Piazza del Duomo itself. Narrow streets around the building acted as funnels, increasing the speed and height of the water. Outsiders came to help, but by nightfall, people were still stranded in upper floors and on roofs with the water reaching over 22ft at its peak.
It did not start to fall until 8pm.
Disease, escaped prisoners and collapsing buildings plagued the town leaving 30 people dead and 50,000 homeless.
That was when the 'mud angels' arrived. An army of students from all over the world they started putting the city, and its people, back together again.
Volunteers from as far afield as the US and Japan turned up to set about helping to rescue and limit the damage to more than a million books and almost a thousand paintings, frescoes and sculptures.
When the muddy waters had entered the Piazza del Duomo, they had torn Ghiberti’s bronze and gold Doors of Paradise from their hinges, knocking off five panels of the original ten.
A wooden Magdalene by Donatello was later found with half her body covered in black oil, while the greatest artistic loss was the 13th-century painted wooden Crucifix by Giovanni Cimabue, which had been in the church of Santa Croce. It was so badly damaged that it has become a symbol of the tragedy.
Around a million books were damaged in the Biblioteca Nazionale Centrale alone. Although they had all been dried by 1967, 35,000 still remain damaged today.
But the flood has a surprising bright side. Restoration practices were re-evaluated after it and it was the first time many books had received ‘deacidification’ treatment - the flood water contained a high percentage of calcite, which neutralises harmful acid.
Refreshed with the knowledge that every raincloud has a silver lining and that angels - if even if they are 'mud angels' look over Florence I ventured back into the rain.
It turned out the Duomo remains a beautiful building whatever the weather - now where's that ice cream parlour.

The French Horn in Steppingley

2008-09-25T13:22:00.000+01:00

Set in the picturesque surrounds of Steppingley just ten miles from Leighton Buzzard, The French Horn offers the quintessential GastroPub experience.

The restaurant is the latest venture into that field by renowned chef Jean Christophe Novelli and follows the opening, two years ago, of the acclaimed White Horse in Harpenden.

Located in an area surrounded by Beckerings Park and the Woburn Estate, a visit to The French Horn is first class escapism.

The 'touch of Novelli' brand blends fine dining with reasonable prices and excellent service and the interior of The French Horn is both exceedingly comfortable and immediately relaxing.

It includes a 60-seater restaurant and a more casual and cosy snug bar area. It is the summer a-la carte menu that brings my partner and I to this delightful setting.

We start our meal with the bread that seems obligatory among this genre of restuarants, but Novelli has given this slice of normality a twist of his own. The freshly baked bread comes served in a terracotta flower pot and bearing the fabulously over-the-top name of 'pot au pain for two' (£2.25).

Tempting starters include the soup of the day - depending, according to the menu, on the chef's mood - salmon, scallops and Steak Tartare, mixed to Jean Christophe's own recipe.

I opt for the crab (£7.50), which tastes extremely fresh and comes accompanied with a limon cello cream, sweet chilli and petite herbs; while my wife goes for the asparagus salad (£6.50) - a dish she says she is originally scared to eat as it looks like a 'work of art.'

Her empty plate shows both the quality of the dish and the fact she conquered her fears.

A wide selection of main courses vary from wild sea bass to steak, lamb cutlet to pan fried goats cheese. My wife goes for the delicious steak (£18), which comes with hand cut chips.

I try the duck (£16) with cannelloni and pickled wild mushrooms. It is cooked to perfection.

For dessert we try the chocolat baked fondant, which Mrs Lewis - an expert on these matters - tells me is among the finest she has tasted, and the equally fantastic iced banana parfait.

All desserts cost £6.50.

The curse of driving stops me from trying something from the list of dessert wines or the vintage Port, but for discerning customers taking advantage of a taxi they will no doubt provide a perfect finish to your very own 'touch of Novelli.'

For further information see http://www.atouchofnovelli.com/

Food review - The Stag, Mentmore

2008-08-28T09:07:00.000+01:00

Food Review

Il Maschio @ The Stag, Mentmore

By Craig Lewis

MORRIS men performing outside the bar, food designed by a formula one superstar and delightful rural surroundings.

Il Maschio, the dining companion of The Stag at Mentmore, is not just any evening out. Using fresh produce from the nearby Chiltern farming community, Il Maschio boasts a varied menu and excellent service.

Pecks Farm ShopFresh produce suppliers, based in Eggington; Frowey Farm ShopMeat and produce suppliers based near Woburn; and M&J Seafood at Aylesbury provide the bulk of the fresh produce.

To start my wife and I sampled the complimentary bread and olives, before moving on to our appetisers which consisted of Deep Fried Breaded Mushrooms served with a homemade garlic mayonnaise dip and salad (£5.50) and Grilled King Prawns in a fiery chilli oil tossed with warm avocado topped with chilli vinaigrette (£7.75).

The chilli prawns, not for the faint hearted, had a real kick to them, but were beautifully cooked and arranged.

Il Maschio offers a wide range of salads and my wife opted for the fantastically fresh Avocado, Mozzarella and Tomato dish (£8.95); while I went for one of the days specials - pasta filled with asparagus.

It is the pizza section of the menu where the restaurant adds a little bit of razzamatazz. The 'Mark Webber' pizza is a mozzarella, tomato, pepperoni, San Daniele Prosciutto, basil and garlic effort created by the man himself.

Red Bull driver Webber's partner, Ann Barrett, runs The Stag pub.

For dessert we shared ice cream to finish of a delightfully fresh meal - and one well worth venturing out into the countryside to enjoy.

For more information log on to http://www.ilmaschio.com/

'Beautiful' Beaulieu conquers rain

2008-08-27T09:40:00.000+01:00

IT is said Hampshire's New Forest has not changed since it was used as his 'hunting forest' by William the Conqueror, shortly after he took control of this country in 1066 - and I bet it rained then as well.
For as we arrive in this picturesque part of England the rain is falling in buckets and showing little sign of stopping.
That does not put off the many waterproof clad walkers 'enjoying' the somewhat wet and wild rolling hills that adjourn this part of England's green and pleasant land.
Not being well protected ramblers, my wife and I decide to indulge in a more pleasant form of liquid; a quick pint in Montys, the compact but cosy pub which forms part of Beaulieu's New Montagu Arms, our home for the weekend.
Situated in the heart of the New Forest, Beaulieu is one of South England's most popular attractions.
Aside from its quintessentially English location, this small village boasts, to coin a favourite tourism phrase, 'something for everyone.' The world famous National Motor Museum, Beaulieu Abbey and the spectacular Montagu family home, Palace House, are all crammed within the ancestral family estate.
But exploring these sites is postponed - rain stopped play - so Saturday is spent enjoying the luxury Montagu Arms.
The hotel provides everything you need for that extra special romantic getaway, with beautifully tended gardens, a spa and magnificently furnished rooms, complete with a four-poster bed.
The rooms include en-suite bathrooms, a small lounge style enclave that includes a television and a writing desk and, of course, the central sleeping area. With room service available and freshly brewed morning tea and coffee delivered to your doorstep, complete with the morning paper of your choice, its my guess that many honeymooners don't leave these rooms during their stay.
But for those who do The Terrace Restaurant is well worth a visit.
Voted Hampshire Restaurant of the Year 2007 by Which? Good Food Guide, The Terrace combines delicious fresh ingredients with fine wines, all presided over by Michelin starred chef Matthew Tomkinson.
Ignorant diners such as myself can also count on the faultless knowledge of the waiting staff, one of whom kindly explained to us the properties and uses of the salsify which accompanied my wife's main course. For those as uneducated in these matters as us, salsify is a root vegetable, which our waiter tells us is generally tasteless, but takes on the style of whatever it is cooked with, in this case red wine.
From a drink while studying the menus beforehand, to the delights of the meal itself to the decadence of tea and cakes in the lounge afterwards, The Terrace provides the complete dining experience.
After that its all you can do to drag yourself up to four-poster heaven for a complete night's sleep - and a prayer for sun in the morning.
The new day dawns, and after a bleary eyed shower to remove the effects of yesterday's second large glass of red wine our prayers our answered. Beaulieu in the sun is a pretty, tourist village and the hotel is only a short walk from the area's attractions.
The Montagu estate is perhaps most famous for the National Motor Museum, which contains more than 250 vehicles. This eclectic collection includes gems such as Del and Rodney Trotters' Reliant Robin, a display of huge cars in which daredevil drivers broke numerous land speed records and the James Bond collection of the super spies sexy cars.
For anyone with a real interest in cars and motorbikes this is an all day show, but for us that would have meant missing out on the chance to sample the fabulous Beaulieu Abbey.
Founded in 1204 by Cistercian monks on land given to them by King John, the Abbey suffered at the hands of Henry VIII during the Dissolution of the Monasteries which saw England become a Protestant country. Despite Henry's charges destroying much of the Abbey, visitors can still walk through serene Cloisters which were later used by Second World War resistance fighters to train in and reflect on the beauty of life before they were sent to Europe to fight Hitler.
The close at hand Secret Army Exhibition tells more of the harrowing adventures of the Special Operations Executive (SOE), who used Beaulieu as a finishing school for its sabotage and subterfuge plans against Nazi Germany.
The 13th century Great Gatehouse of Beaulieu Abbey overlooks the whole estate. It has been home to the Montagu family since 1538 and still houses them today. Kept in a Victorian style, the Palace House gives an insight into the lives of those people who presided over the estate at that time.
No wonder this place was called Beaulieu - beautiful place 'en Francais.'

The Montagu Arms Hotel
Beaulieu
New Forest
Hampshire
SO42 7ZL
Tel: 01590 612324
Fax: 01590 612188
E-Mail:reservations@montaguarmshotel.co.uk
http://www.montaguarmshotel.co.uk/

www.beaulieu.co.uk

Food review - 4 in Bedford

2008-08-26T21:21:00.000+01:00

Food Review

4 Restaurant
4 Kimbolton Road, Bedford

IF the definition of good service is lending a diner two pound for the car park, then the staff at 4 Restaurant would be top of the list.
If its attentive, friendly and prompt deliverance of your every dining need, then they score just as well.
After my initial embarrassment of having to beg and borrow my parking fee, my wife and I quickly made ourselves at home in this pretty and welcoming Italian.
Owner Kais and his team were on hand to perfect that elusive quality of being ready to answer a diners every need, while making sure they have enough time and space to enjoy their eating experience.
The menu at '4' offers the expected mix of pizza and pasta dishes, but also invites guests to take advantage of a selection of chicken, steak, beef and duck dishes.
Written in Italian and English, the antipasti lists starters including mussels in white wine, octopus and potato cake and fresh tomato and buffalo mozzarella.
But I resisted these delights to opt for the Calamari Fritti, or deep fried squid; while my wife went for the Bruschette.
The tomatoes on this second dish were exceptionally fresh.
Squid has always been a favourite of mine and this was no exception, wetting my appetite without leaving me too full for the main course.
Here I chose the 8oz Angus prime sirloin steak in a pepper sauce. Complete with homemade thick cut chips, asparagus and roasted cherry tomato served on the vine, this was where the meal came into its own for me.
The tomato and asparagus were remarkably fresh tasting, while what red blooded male can resist chunky chips and a well cooked steak.
Despite my departure from the evenings Italian theme, my wife kept to the more traditional roots of the restaurant by ordering the tomato mozzarella and red onion pizza.
With just enough room for dessert we decided to share the marvellous original strawberry and mango lasagne.
This deliciously fresh creation consisted of thin layers of the aforementioned fruit entwined together in the same way a traditional lasagne would be.
Served with homemade ice cream, this was a novel and delicious end to the meal.
It may be called '4' but everything else about this restaurant is five star.

LB NEWS column

2008-08-07T09:05:00.000+01:00

My recent column from LB NEWS...

THIS newspaper cannot name one of the two people responsible for the death of Neil Abrams.
Mr Abrams was punched by a 15-year-old 'boy' after he tried to act as a peacemaker in a street brawl.
The yob then bragged to friends about how he had felled Mr Abrams with a single punch.
His sentence for this mindless act? Three years youth custody.
The youth, now 16, has already served 265 days so we can expect to see him on our streets again in little over two years.
Mr Abrams, a man who leaves behind a grieving family, will not get such an opportunity again.
The story doesn't end there.
The 16 year-old youth, who was already on bail for using threatening and abusive behaviour when he punched Mr Abrams, went on to assault a police officer who was checking on his curfew while he was on bail for the attack.
Sound like a remorseful young man to you?
Judge Philip Clegg described the incident as a 'senseless, mindless piece of violence' before promptly deciding to turn down an application lifting a ban on the naming of young offenders.
What sort of message does this send to Britain's out of control youth?

I CAN'T think why Post Office Ltd would want to hold a consultation meeting in the middle of a weekday, in the middle of the summer holidays.
I am sure the organisation is eagerly awaiting responses from residents on its decision to consult on the possible closure of post offices in Hockliffe Street and Linslade.
I bet it couldn't wait to hear the views of residents who use those under threat outlets on a daily basis.
It's representatives must have been really disappointed that some of these users couldn't attend last week's public meeting because they had to go to work or were on holiday.
Of course, I wouldn't for a minute listen to the views of some of the more cynical residents of Leighton Buzzard and Linslade.
Such as Henry Fried. For some reason Henry called the whole consultation a 'sham.' Something to do with 'if you want to make an unpopular move, do it when everyone is away.'
Now, now Mr Fried, surely not?

CHILD of the Blitz Peter St John remembers Leighton Buzzard as a 'quintessential small English town.'
The author, who has lived in France since 1955, came to the town as an evacuee during the war.
He speaks about it's 'town hall decorated by a little clock tower; it's Dickensian style hotel with an entrance flanked by imposing columns; and it's quaint assortment of little shops.'
More interestingly he hopes that the current town hasn't become swamped by private motor cars (alas, no luck there, Peter) - non-existent in 1940.

LEIGHTON-Linslade Town Council is power hungry. And good luck to it.
Many town councillors are fed up with decisions over facilities such as the market and the theatre being made by the distant and seemingly uninterested district council.
So they are asking its imminent replacement, the Central Bedfordshire authority, to give them control over what goes on in their own town.
The town council may not always get everything right, but there is no doubt the people on it are trying to do their best for the community in which they live and work.
And after all, they do have 'Big Plans.'

Half marathon update

2008-07-28T09:47:00.000+01:00

For the record my final half marathon position was 599 and the exact time was one hour 56 minutes, 27 seconds
The picture is of me running the final hard yards...

LB News Post Office campaign

2008-07-21T11:15:00.000+01:00

Fame at last! Featured on holdthefrontpage today
Link: http://www.holdthefrontpage.co.uk/campaigns/080721podebate.shtml

Newspapers rally to fight Post Office closures
by holdthefrontpage staff

The threat of Post Office closures is spurring on regional papers to their campaigning best.
The Birmingham Mail hosted a public debate as part of its campaign to fight the proposed closure of 26 Post offices in the city.
While the Leighton Buzzard News is fighting planned closures as part of its on-going Broken Buzzard campaign.
Birmingham Mail editor Steve Dyson chaired the debate which was attended by MPs, Post Office representatives, Mail reporters, councillors and dozens of members of the public.
Steve said: "We had scores of people turn up. The people who came were elderly or vulnerable and who would be affected by the closures.
"It was really humbling actually in some ways, watching them struggle up the steps to come inside.
"We had representatives from the Post Office, local MPs and about 60 members of the public. They were asking them not to do it."
Birmingham Mail reporters went around the city sticking up posters promoting the debate.
Since launching the campaign, the Trinity Mirror daily has gathered over 6,000 signatures opposing the plans.
They are planning to travel to London this week in the Mail's campaign bus to the House of Commons, complete with readers and MPs, to deliver the petition.
In May, the Leighton Buzzard News launched its Broken Buzzard campaign in a bid to fix what it saw as the ills of the Bedfordshire town.
Now two Post Offices are facing the axe in the Government's closure plans.
Editor Craig Lewis said: "This week we wrote an open letter to Post Office Ltd opposing the closures which we are encouraging readers to cut out, sign and send in to the consultation process as a sign of their opposition.
"Since Broken Buzzard launched, Leighton Buzzard News has managed to pressure South Beds District Council into fixing the iconic ASK clock, make sure benches are returned to the High Street and help organise a High Street tidy up.
"We have also helped to save Brooklands Middle School from closure, highlight the dangers of development without infrastructure in the town and take an in-depth look at the problems of flooding in Leighton Buzzard."
Hundreds of Post Offices across the UK are under threat of closure. We'd like to hear what campaigns you are running in a bid to save these vital community facilities. E-mail us at: editor.htfp@and.co.uk

Sweat and bloody nipples

2008-07-21T10:46:00.000+01:00

There is nothing more disheartening than running flat out only to be overtaken by a woman old enough to be your granny.
That will be one of the prevailing memories of yesterday's Milton Keynes Half Marathon - 13.1 miles of blood (runner's nipple isn't something on would wish on anyone), sweat and tears (told you it was disheartening).
But still, at the end of just under two hours hard slog, I clutched my entrants medal like it was gold at Beijing.
There is a real feel-food factor about achieving something you didn't think you would be able to do just a few months ago and, although I am unsure if my running shoes will be making any more appearances, I would encourage anyone else to have a go.
One of the hardest things about the race is being knocked out of your usual running rhythm. I had completed a 15 mile run reasonably comfortably a week earlier, but a new route and 2,000 co-competitors made this a much harder prospect.
The first two miles were very congested and I found myself having to jog at other people's pace - sometimes slower, sometimes faster than my own.
Fortunately, the field spread out as the run progressed and I was able to find a pace of my own.
The hard part came at the nine mile plus stages. Slipping back into my normal, at least I'm still going, no need to rush pace I suddenly found that everyone else was motoring past me.
And I mean everyone.
Not only old ladies and gentlemen, but also hefty looking guys and girls I would normally happily challenge to any sort of race supposedly safe in the knowledge they wouldn't make the end of the road.
Looking back some of these people are probably experienced runners and considerably fitter than me (it's not hard), but as you slip further and further behind them - your feet aching and your lungs bursting - its not a pleasant feeling.
Earlier in the race I had passed an elderly gentleman with the words, 'George - 75+' on his running shirt. Now don't get me wrong, the man is a legend for even competing at that stage in his life, but at my ten mile low point I had horrible visions of George racing past me towards the finish line. It may have been too much for me.
The 12 mile mark is the greatest feeling in the world. An 'anybody can make a mile' marker and I found some sort of second wind to finish reasonably strongly and sneak in under two hours.
But still behind Granny.

Check out my time at http://www.mkhalfmarathon.org.uk/mkhm-results.html

Food review

2008-07-10T12:17:00.000+01:00

Hartwell House
Oxford Road, near Aylesbury

THERE are not many restaurants where you are greeted at the door by a butler and finish your meal by eating home made fudge outside.
But Hartwell House is not just any restaurant.
The building itself is one of Buckinghamshire's most celebrated country houses and includes 46 beautifully decorated bedrooms, conference and meeting rooms, a Spa and an indoor swimming pool.
It is set in picturesque, 18th century grounds which include temples, columns, an obelisk, garden statuary, canals and an amazing yew tree exedra.
And the dining facilities offer breakfast, luncheon and afternoon tea, as well as private dining rooms and The Buttery, an informal restaurant situated in the Spa.
We went for luncheon, when Head Chef Daniel Richardson offers a choice menu with two courses at £22.95 and three at £29.95.
Considering the opulent surroundings, this represents excellent value.
The menu has a strong seasonal theme and uses the very best of local produce. As a result it varies throughout the year, but sample dishes include delights such as Shetland organic salmon and mosaic of duck liver and caramelised apple as starters; fillet of Cornish Pollack, breast of maize fed chicken and braised shoulder of Gloucester Old Spot pork - which I sampled and was delicious - for main courses; and desserts including rhubarb mousse, dark Belgium chocolate fondant and passion fruit tart.
These can all be sampled alongside an impressive looking wine list; which centres around a Cellarman's choice from vineyards located by the great rivers of France, in addition to some 400 different wines, bottles and half bottles.
As someone who regularly dines somewhere further down market where a steak isn't impressive unless it fills your whole plate, the portions looked worryingly small.
But such was the quality of the produce and the care taken in blending the flavours of the food, I was left more than satisfied in terms of both amount and taste.
Tea and coffee, with Hartwell Fudge, served by the beautiful gardens in baking hot sunshine finished off an afternoon when this common hack briefly saw how the other half live.

LB News column (July 9)

2008-07-09T09:56:00.001+01:00

ROLL up, roll up, take your place on the great unitary cash cow.
For months now we've heard how the newly Government-approved Central Bedfordshire Council will use taxpayers money more efficiently and make heaps of savings.
And although it won't come into being until April 2009, its shadow is already upon us.
Shadow executive, that is.
This is the body tasked with helping to create the new authority and manage the merger of South and Mid Beds Councils into one giant unitary.
One of their first actions? To award themselves a massive dollop of extra allowances.
The shadow authority's leader, Patricia Turner, for example, will now be entitled to £18,275 for her new role. This is in addition to the £9,675 allowances she already gets as Mid Beds supremo.
The combined £27,950 is higher than the average wage in this country.
In all Central Beds shadow executive portfolio holders will rake in more than £200,000 extra in allowances this year.
Nice work if you can get it.

WHAT a shame the Government has decided to wade in on the issue of Bedfordshire Police's council tax precept.
The police authority made a bold decision to put in a high precept in order to bring policing levels in the region up to the standards it believed necessary.
Nobody likes to be told that they will have to pay more council tax, but people are happy to do so if it means we are faced with less crime.
This was borne out by the fact the police consultation saw 66 per cent of residents say they would be happy to pay an increase of 11 per cent if it meant improved services.
The force will now have to look at ways in which to cut back on its service.
So many decisions go through without proper public consultation, but here is a case where residents have been given their say and police have acted to put it in place - only for the Government to trample all over democracy.
The only people who will gain from this decision are the criminals.

Half Marathon madness

2008-07-07T14:42:00.000+01:00

SPUR of the moment, I think they call it.
It seemed like a good idea at the time is another phrase.
Whatever it was, a couple of months ago I made the still surprising decision to take part in the Milton Keynes half marathon.
Yes me, a man who finds it a strain to walk the 500 yards to my local shop for the milk and paper in the morning.
I'll have time to train; I told myself. Two months is a long time, I said.
How hard can it be? It's only 13.1 miles.
THIRTEEN MILES... I'll be lucky if I can make the ten minute walk from the car park to the starting line.
Anyway, I've paid the entrance fee now so its going to happen. One way or another I will have to drag my sorry body around every inch of that course.But more importantly I'm doing it for the NSPCC.
So while you laugh at me over your cornflakes, do some of this country's needy kids a favour.
Log on to www.justgiving.com/craiglewis2 and sponsor me.
If I can run more than 13 miles, it's the least you can do.

Food review

2008-07-02T21:06:00.001+01:00

Move over Giles Coren...

The Black Horse

FOOD: HIGH ST, WOBURN

BY CRAIG LEWIS

Set in the middle of Woburn village, The Black Horse is an impressive combination of sophisticated restaurant and cosy, traditional bar.

After squeezing our way through the crowded communal area - general manager Catherine Park tells us a local Stag party are kicking off their festivities there - my partner and I find ourselves ensconced in the spacious surrounds of a restaurant that stretches far further than the eateries averaged-sized exterior suggests.

Beyond this can be spied a secluded courtyard garden, far more suitable for warm, sunny evenings than the bitterly cold night we have left outside.

But then we are here to try out the pub's special Christmas Menu.

The Black Horse guarantees punters a friendly welcome and a lot of our fellow diners seem to be regulars on close terms with the ever attentive staff. Yet the restaurant is also situated perfectly for foodies looking for a new experience.

Based just seven miles outside of Leighton Buzzard, eight-and-a-half from Dunstable, nine from Milton Keynes and 13 from Bedford, it is accessible to visitors from all over the region.

As a starter I have the roasted butternut squash soup, while my partner tries the spinach, mushroom and herb pancakes with cheddar gratin.

Both are delicious and the soup certainly provides the perfect antidote after the bitter weather outside.

For our main course I have roast Aberdeenshire beef with rosemary roasted potatoes. I have the beef cooked well done, which is excellent and very filling.

My partner samples the pub's famous Lashford's award-winning sausage and mash. This quintessentially British dish fits perfectly with the homely, welcoming aura of The Black Horse.

Full to the brim already we just about find room to share the chocolate pot for pudding.

We mixed and matched somewhat between the pub's normal menu and the Christmas one, but the food on both is equally tempting.

The Christmas specials, as well as the beef, include free range turkey escalope, mushroom risotto and pan fried sea bass fillets - and for those wanting to get really festive you can finish up with Christmas pudding.

A three-course meal from the menu costs £27, with every pre-booked dinner guest seated before 7pm getting a free glass of bubbly.

So for a fantastic dining experience and a generous welcome, don't miss out on the food at The Black Horse.

And if you don't believe me, perhaps you will listen to Raymond Blanc. The world renowned chef said: "I really admire these guys, they've done it in the way I would have done it."

For more information call the pub on 01525 290210 or log on to http://www.blackhorsewoburn.co.uk/

LB News press campaign

2008-06-15T20:32:00.001+01:00

My newspapers, Broken Buzzard press campaign is famous.
It got national recognition by appearing on www.holdthefrontpage.co.uk - here is what they had to say about it
To check out all the latest at Leighton Buzzard News visit www.LB-News.co.uk

Newspaper campaign to fix broken town

by holdthefrontpage staff

A weekly newspaper has launched a campaign to mend its 'broken town'.

The Leighton Buzzard News says it is sick of seeing a lack of investment in the area and towns which the "authorities seem to have abandoned".

Its first task in 'Broken Buzzard' is to get an old town clock mended after it stopped in December and has never told the correct time since.

The News will hand in a petition signed by readers on May 13 to South Bedfordshire District Council after it promised to fix the clock in the wake of paper's campaign launch.

Other projects which have come under the microscope include a decision to appoint outsiders to run the town's market, the proposed closure of a local middle school and Leighton Buzzard's role in accommodating a proportion of 41,700 planned new houses in south Bedfordshire.

The News says it plans to hold to account all of those responsible for Leighton Buzzard and Linslade's ills.

Cairo

2008-06-15T20:16:00.001+01:00

DRIVING in Cairo is a true test of bravery.
Lane etiquette is a secondary factor as cars, buses and dangerously speeding taxi's compete for space on the busy roads.
Don't be surprised to see rickshaws pulled by lumbering horses or more nimble donkeys trotting along in the fast lane; while pedestrians with a death wish attempt to cross this Egyptian equivalent of the M1.
Add the constantly blaring horns and the regular scream of ambulance sirens and you are a million miles away from the original Land of the Pharaohs.
Or just a few miles...
For on the edge of this densely packed city sit the Pyramids of Giza, three massive signatures of another age.
Not much more than a century ago the Pyramids Road existed as little more than a dusty carriage track leading out from the city to the peasant village of Giza.
But tourism and a rapidly expanding population now sees Cairo sitting on the doorstep of its own history.
The pyramids are home to three Fourth Dynasty Pharaohs - Khufu, Khafre and Menkaure - and are guarded by the equally impressive Sphinx.
This guardian sports the body of a lion and the head of Khafre - but it no longer has a nose, an act of vandalism blamed variously on British soldiers in World War I or Napoleon's troops in 1798.
However, 18th-century drawings show the nose is already missing, pointing the finger towards the occupying Turks.
While walking round the pyramids tourists have to be on guard almost as much as drivers on the roads.
Bedouins from the Sahara plague visitors with offers to take pictures, with camel rides and with ancient papyrus.
But accepting any of these would see you left without a camera, stuck aboard a camel with no way down except to hand over your hard earned currency or with a fake that will fade and fall apart removed from its box.
The pyramids themselves are truly spectacular and its hard to imagine the manufacturing feat that enabled an ancient civilisation to construct such giants.
If you can avoid the busy crowds it is almost possible to visualise how they must have appeared to civilians of that time - and how they inspired worship and fealty to the Pharaohs.
An image only disturbed by the blaring of a distant horn and the realisation you have to compete with rickshaws for the outside lane on the journey home.

Travelling in Malta

2008-06-15T20:14:00.000+01:00

SLIEMA harbour greets you with a combination of cafes and restaurants facing an armada of yachts.
I am told that somewhere in the midst of this plethora of rich man's toys is Roman Abramovich's personal vessel - although the Russian tycoon has not visited this Mediterranean paradise since he started filling his playtime with Premiership football rather than sailing.
Maybe another reason for his prolonged absence is the fact neighboring Valletta is a favored haunt of not only the current players of arch-rivals Manchester United, but previously of that club's legendary star George Best.
During my stay in early March - somewhat prior to the scorchingly hot summer tourist season when temperatures regularly reach 30 degrees centigrade - both Sliema and Valletta are more notable for the number of pensioners parading the harbor edge.
This is Eastbourne with attitude.
One night I am even woken from my slumber by a gaggle of Irish grannies chatting over late night coffee and cards. Remembering some of my own previous holiday indiscretions I feel too hypocritical to complain.
The reason for my early retreat to bed that evening had been a draining, but enjoyable, trek between Sliema and Valletta. The walk takes well over an hour, but gives a complete view of the harbor.
For those already feeling footsore there are a series of buses that run between the two places and a ferry which covers the water in just five minutes.
Numerous boats offer cruises through Malta's seven bays, while horse and carriages can be hired for a quick tour of the highlights of Valletta.
The location is a favorite with Hollywood film makers with blockbusters Gladiator and Troy both filmed here. Those wishing to follow in the footsteps of Russell Crowe and Brad Pitt should check out The Malta Experience in Valletta.
Of course, this little island was heavily involved in battles of its own during the second world war. The nation was collectively awarded the George Cross for conspicuous gallantry during that conflict as a part of the British Empire.
The Maltese flag bears a replica of that award and numerous plaques acknowledging its wartime effort adorn buildings across the island.
Malta has a long and colourful history, having first been occupied by the ancient Phoenicans - a civilization centered in what is now the Lebanon - in 1000BC.
It has since provided a home for the empires of Carthage and Rome, been conquered by Arabs in the ninth century and been ruled by the Normans, Turks, Spanish, French and British.
The country was eventually granted independence in 1964 and is today the smallest member of the European Union.
Small in stature, but grand in history - perhaps Malta has more in common with those gregarious grannies than I first thought.

Western Australia

2008-06-15T20:08:00.000+01:00

Australia is one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world. Glorious beaches, welcoming people and a huge, great rock in the middle.
But while most explorers are zipping up and down the east coast, checking out Sydney and Melbourne and climbing Ayers Rocks; there's a great expanse of the country to the west that remains something of a well kept secret.
This is mine and my wife's experience of Perth and the lands to the south of Western Australia's capital:

Saturday:
You hear so much about the warm hospitality of the Australian people that at 3am on Saturday morning after more than 20 hours of sitting on Quantas' (un)suitably cramped plane seats, its no surprise when the portly, yet kindly, looking man directing the taxi rank generously tells us it would be quicker to catch the adjacent shuttle bus.

Fair dinkum, mate.
Ten minutes of sitting of this bus later, with the queue of taxi's already all departed and our driver disappeared back into the airport this no longer seems such a good idea.
The taxi assistant, whose close resemblance to Home and Away's Alf probably led me to trust him, is still loitering outside. So we ask him what's going on and when we are likely to leave.
'Strewth,' I'm told, 'Your an unpatient lot. I didn't say the bus would be quicker.'
Er.. you did.
We decide to take the next taxi.
Fortunately this airport abaration is a one-off and the next day - still struggling from jetlag, but happy to be on Aussie soil - we set off to explore Perth.
Our hotel is based right in the city centre so it takes little time for Shell to feel at home. Sadly for me, this is because she has found the shopping centre.
After a stroll through the wide streets of this central area we eventually find our way to the parks that Perth is famous for. In 30 degree heat we drag ourselves to the Swan Bells - a tall building by the edge of the Swan River which resembles London's famous Gerkin. The Swan Bells chimes on the hour and is shaped to produce the best sound musically for the people of Perth.
It is also the entrance to the Swan River's harbour, which boasts trips to the south of the city and Fremantle - as well as the prestigous looking Shag Hotel (it's a type of bird...)
The view across the river as we walk across Langley Park - formerly an airfield used by, among overs, the early Australian aviation pionerr Kingsford-Smith - is amazing and includes a backdrop of the city centres skyscrapers against acres of parkland and in the distance the city's pride and joy, Kings Park.
Frying slightly in the sun we eventually decide discretion is the better part of valour, and returning to the Swan Bells, we grab a bright red, London bus lookalike tour coach.
In fact the bus has come from anywhere but London and used to be used on the Melbourne to Perth bus route. It took it a grand total of three days to cross the desert at constant speeds of 60mph.
Our first destination is Burswood, and its famous entertainment centre which includes an indoor stadium with an inflatable roof and a casino - built in 1988 to bring an end to the Italian owned and operated illegal gambling dens of the area.
Burswood is one of those places which could only exist because of the laid back Aussie attitude. That's because Burswood is not even its proper name. It was originally named 'Burrswood' after its English founders home town of Burrs. But a spelling error by the Australian authorities who put the first signs up saw it re-christened with just one 'r' - and nobody could ever be bothered to change it.
The rest of the trip took in a brief tour of Kings Park, which we resolved to see more of the next day.

Sunday:
Sunday morning and we were up bright and early - well 11am's not bad when your on holiday - to take on Kings Park.
Taking the wise precaution of applying loads of sun lotion (we had forgotten the previous day and were now looking suspiciously like the prize crabs Perth's fisherman pull out of the river) we made our way to the park.
Kings Park is the world's largest inner city park, beating off rivals like Stanley Park, Hyde Park and even New York's Central Park.
It was full of young, tanned and athletic looking Australian youth who have clearly enjoyed the benefit of growing up in a city where its not dark at 6pm.
The Park includes a fantastic botantic garden, spanned by a thin looking, but actually 100 per cent sturdy bridge, which gives spectacular views of the harbour and city.
It contains the two strand design of the DNA tower, which boasts 101 steps and more picturesque views.
We spent the whole day in the park, getting more lobster like by the second but giving our lazy English thighs the work out they had been crying out for for years.
Then it was off to traditional Aussie Pub, The Bobby Dazzler for a well earned VB (Victorian Bitter for those not in the know) and a good, old Ozzie steak...

Monday:
RAIN.
Western Australia hasn't had any for five years. It's in the middle of a farmer's nightmare sized draught that has left the land crying out for water.
Over the past month the temperature in an area 800kms south of Perth has dipped to a mere 30 degrees.
Yet as we stand outside the Centurion Hotel at 6.40am, it is tipping down with rain.
And it is the first day of a tour which will take us away for five days to places like Esperance - for beaches - and Stirling National Park - for long walks in the mountains. Ideal rainy day activities.
By the time our tour guide Glen has pulled into our first toilet and food break at York, it is clear that the rain is set for the day.
We even buy an umbrella...
Our next stop, and the first major site on our trip, is the gigantic Wave Rock.
Starting out at the chasm that is Hippo's Yawn, a cavernous hole in the rock face that looks exactly as it sounds, we walk for about a kilometre alongide a curved rock face that has been eroded over centuries to form a mini-wave effect and stained like a multi-coloured rainbow by water running down the rockface.
But this is just a prelude to the wow factor of Wave Rock itself. Turning the corner to face the rock you are struck by its size and just how closely it resembles a surfer's paradise style wave.
Erosion is a painter of van Gough like skill and the rock's 'canvas' is a series of reds, purples and blues stained on to the granite surface.
Day one is a long one for travelling - we manage 800kms in all - and most of the afternoon (save for a rain soaked lunch) is spent in the tour bus.
Our eventual night time stop is at Esperance, where a lasagne later and its off to bed to get rid of the last of the jetlag.

Tuesday:
And its still wet.
Despite the rain we conduct a tour of the white sand beaches of Esperance. These include the beautiful Thistle Cove and Lucky Bay.
Lucky Bay was the inlet that saved one English explorer whose ship was caught in a storm. Turning the corner he found the bay and quickly pulled in to save his ship, crew and himself.
It was also the start of our 2km trek to Thistle Cove. The first kilometre went well, but as we reached the peak the wind picked up and our good friend the rain returned with renewed vigour.
A stormy walk later and we returned to the coach soaked to the skin.
Another beach found us face to face with a number of inquisitive kangaroos, which Michelle managed to get up close enough to to take a video spectacular.
Lunch was luckily rain free, as we had a good old Aussie BBQ down by the beach, before enjoying a stroll along the white sand and a wander along the cliffs.
But the highlight of the day came when a crazy emu darted in front of the bus, when we were crusing at 35mph. The stupid animal continued to sprint along at our side as we reached 40 and then 45mph.

Wednesday:
A lot of bus activity again as we made our way down to Albany.
A 300km trip saw us make a number of toilet stops - always a toilet and food break round the corner, before we drove through Fitzgerald National Park, a biodiversity park.
An unplanned walk up to Bluffs Creek (after the clutch on the van decided it didn't fancy the hill) gave us fantastic views and an equally good lunch.
Stirling Ranges and the Perongerups were next, including a steep trek up the peak which finished in a climb and a ladder - and the most fantastic view over the surrounding valley.
Michelle - due to wet squelchy trainers - decided to say at the bottom. And had more excitement when another tour bus bumped into a post and got itself stuck there.
She quickly became part of a skilled repair team that eventually prised the bus off the pole and back onto the road.
Then it was on to Albany and right now - where I'm writing this despite the best efforts of tour guide Glen and a series of 'what do you call' jokes - ie.. what do you call a man in the sea with no arms and legs - Bob...

THURSDAY:
Back on the bus again and tour guide Glen's joke that this is a tour of the toilets of Western Australia is actually starting to ring true.
Australia is massive and even exploring this small corner of it is like a tour of France - in five days. So there is plenty of bus time and lots of stops just to answer nature's call.
To be fair, Glen knows the area like the back of his hand and most of the 'toilet breaks' include a view of a beach or cliff top that would rule the tourist roost back home.
In the morning we have a quick look around Albany, before we visit Frenchmen's Bay, an area which used to be central in the state's whaling industry. Whaling was eventually banned in 1988 - a worldwide ban which put hundreds of Western Australians on the dole.
Along the coast is also an area where the sea - and the breeze it brings with it - passes into an underground cave and then buffets its way out through a 'blowhole'. Sitting on the edge of this hole for the first few waves, I was beginning to think the experience was fairly mild.
The wind from the next wave nearly blew me off the ledge - it was like sitting in the path of a giant hairdryer unaware of when it was about to be switched to full power.
Greenpools beach was next and some well needed R&R, including a walk past Elephant Cove, a number of noble looking rocks that resembled the mouse fearing creatures themselves - probably the only place in the Aussie wild where elephants can be found, even bearing in mind the diversity of the country's wildlife.
And then it was on to the highlight of the day. The Tingle Trees that make up the Valley of the Giants are hundreds of years old and grow to massive heights. They flower at the very tops of their trunks blocking out the light below and killing any rival foliage.
The trees reproduce through fire, which they ward off via a resistant layer of bark on their outside. The fire is then funnelled up through their hollow trunks to the top, where it forces the seeds to expand and explode, scattering out below it. New trees then race up, eager to be the first to reach the light.
When the trees were first discovered by an explorer bearing their name, it was thought they would be a great source of wood. But after spending days chopping one down, Tingle was disappointed to find they were hollow and therefore useless.
The walk itself is a metal structure shaped like a leaf and suspended 40 metres above ground level in the tops of the trees. The views from the top are awe inspiring.
Visitors are also able to walk through some of the trees - at ground level - which have been burnt through by the fire. This is all part of these wonderous tree's plan, as it allows animals to build homes in the bottom of the trees, providing fuel for the life-giving fire to feed on.
Another tree was next on the agenda - the Bicentenial Tree. Created as a watchtower, the huge tree has regular spikes slammed in its trunk to enable people to climb to one of three levels - the third of which is somewhere in the clouds.
There is a metal mesh to the top and side of these spikes - but nothing below them. This makes climbing it a Russian Roulette style fright as each step threatens to be your last. Coming down is particularly petrifying and there were a number of times when I became stuck like a cat which has ventured too high while chasing a bird. To my eternal shame I only made it to the first level, while a large number of our touring group pushed on up to the top.
After that we travelled to Pemberton for the night where we stayed in a lodge and tucked into another BBQ - but not until after Shell had hand fed some tame kangeroos which are kept on the site. The creatures rushed over as we approached them, obviously aware that tourists bring food, and spent ten minutes happily munching on carrots and apples.

FRIDAY:
4.55am. And we are awake. This, as we keep being told, is a big day.
It is our last on the tour before we return to Perth and Glen has planned visits to a host of caves, wineries, candy shops, cheese and chocolate shops and beaches.
We are on board the bus by 6am and, after a brief stop at a lighthouse where the Pacific and Indian Ocean's meet (and for the toilet), we are heading off to Mammoth Cave.
The cave is a massive underground expanse full of the usual staligmites and 'tites, and also containing the fossils of Megafauna, giant ancient Australian creatures that roamed the earth thousands of years ago. These included a giant kangaroo. The Megafauna was eventually killed off by the arrival of Aboriginal man, who hunted them and ate the plant life they had fed on, thus depriving the huge creatures of a food source.
We then visited Surfers Point, the venue for the World Surfing Championships - starting on Saturday. A few of the competitors were out getting some practice, but a lack of swell in the sea wasn't helping them much.
Next up we visited Margaret River, an area famous for its wine production. So much so that Aussie producers sent some of their 'sparkling wine' to a French Champagne tasting competition. THey took all the labels of the bottom and the French, unaware that the product had come from Margaret River, placed it second. They were so furious when they discovered the deception that they banned the Aussies from calling their product Champagne.
Our taste buds were tantalised at a cheese factory, chocolate producer and a winery, before we drove on to lunch at Busselton beach.
White sands, clear sea and the longest jetty in Australia combine with a pretty town - again formed during the whaling boom - to make this a haven for the longest living people in Oz. Locals nearly all make it to 80plus - mainly thanks to the laid back lifestyle and Omega 3 based fish diets.
A long journey back to Perth later and it was goodbye to hostels and hello to a much needed hotel room.
And its showers...

SATURDAY:
Up at 11am - we are back in charge of the timetable.
But the rain is back anyway, so we take a slow walk and train journey down to Fremantle, the small town synomous with the Fremantle Doctor, a sea breeze which blows into Perth every day between 12noon and 3pm.
After sheltering from the rain for some food, we find the sun has returned - and its time for Shell to go shopping.
Fremantle Market is a world famous mix of local foods, tourist tat and Aussie artwork.
But its the Aboriginal artwork which grabs our attention. The WA Aboriginal Fine Art Store is actually undergoing a closing down sale, which allows us to grab some bargains - if you call $350 a painting a bargain.
Owner Dirk tells us he is being forced to close the shop due to the night time activities of Freo's yobs, who have been targetting the store for 15 years as it helps Aboriginies. Many of the paintings are done by members of the indigenous population who have been in jail or need help with money, but this doesn't prevent the Aussie equivilent of 'Chavs' smashing its windows every night.
A disconsolate Dirk has had enough and is packing up, which is a great shame as the art is top class and every bit of it tells a story of the ancient way of life of the Aboriginies.
Fremantle itself is street upon street of shops, bars, cafes and restaurants all targetting weekend visitors from Perth and every other part of the world.
It is also home to Freo Prison, which we had a quick look around, but wasn't that much to write home about. So I won't.

SUNDAY
Koala's sleep for 20 hours a day. It has something to do with the amount of eucalyptus they stuff into their furry faces during the four hours they are awake.
Whatever the cause Australia's cutest critter is the out of work, coach potato, dosser of the animal kingdom.
He has no predators and - barring man's invasion of his territory - little to worry about.
But he has no place on the west coast of Australia, where conditions are too dry for him; so it is to Perth Zoo we have come to see these mini marsupials.
And true to form they are hidden away in the tops of Gum trees, snoring their heads off.
Mind you, their not on their own. The sun is back and most of the zoo's residents are either hiding away from it or making the most of some valuable sun bathing time.
Lions and tigers lie on their backs, the wombats have headed for the shade of their burrows and the hardy rhino are collapsed on the ground.
Even the mad dogs have retired for the day.
But true to our nature, man is out in force - or at least our closest relative. Gibbons and orangatangs swing from tree to rope with great dexterity to perform for the crowds gathered there.
And soon they are joined in the open by marauding meerkats, elephants covered in paint from art classes with their keepers and even the tiny Aussie Numbat.
At one point a Gallapocus Tortoise even moved; probably for the first time in hundreds of years.
But the koala slept on...

MONDAY
Its tour time again, and that can only mean one thing - an early start.
Up at 6am we head down to Wellington Street Tourist Coach Stop, to join the one day tour to the Pinnacles.
The Pinnacles are a host of rocks positioned in the desert some 250kms north of Perth. They were formed by the uneven erosion of the land in that area and now resemble hundreds upon hundreds of sandy gravestones stretching as far as the eye can see.
Indeed the first colonisers thought they had stumbled across the remains of some ancient civilisation, while the Aboriginies will not visit the site as they still see it as a burial ground and as such hold it sacred.
The first thing that strikes me about the Pinnacles is the bright yellow of the sand surrounding them. It looks as if you are approaching some giant moonscape, only this is one that really is made of cheese.
The illusion is shattered when you set foot on the often coarse sand, but the Pinnacles remain no less spectacular.
Some of the most impressive have even gained pet names from their resemblance to everyday and mythical items, including the Church, the Cat, the Dolphins and even Neptune.
Talking of seemingly mythical things, our trip to the Pinnacles saw another apparently unreal creature - a moving Koala.
Despite the fact koala's don't live on the West Coast, there they were in one of the many national park's that lie close to the sea.
The gum trees are surrounded by a network of sprinklers to allow the marsupial mammals to get enough water to survive.
And one of them is moving, eating and even swinging from the tree. In some strange way, my holiday experience feels complete.
The journey back from the Pinnacles includes a stop off at Lancelin, where we go on a 4x4 trip over the dunes and sandboarding.
Dragging myself up the steep dunes was the hardest bit. The way down? - a quick push off at the top, lean forward and gravity took over.
I managed to fly down the slope at quite an (uncontrolled) speed and lost all balance at the end to finish in an unedifying and extremely sandy forward roll.
It looked like Eddie the Eagle Edwards would have done if he had been a sandboarder.
On the subject of flying, our Western Australia adventure had come to an end and it was time to catch the plane home.

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